


Cops are freaks

by iffysoul



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, M/M, Murder, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-03-03 07:35:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 32,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13336470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iffysoul/pseuds/iffysoul
Summary: "Erwin, do you love me? If you do then do it."





	1. Not like every Thursday

Usually, Erwin is not the type of person to use physical strength but now he uses all his force to hold down the man and handcuff him.

"Stay still."

He repeats it again to calm the man under him who still tries to move even with Erwin on top of him.

"Don't you understand what still means? Fucking pig."

Levi pressed the sole of his heavy boot to man's back, pressing his cheek against the wet asphalt. It was late and dark so Erwin decided to let this slide. He successfully handcuffed him and looked up at Levi. He wiped his sole on man's shirt and after that took his leg away, looking over his shoulder.

They got into the car hoping that it's the last call on their shift. It was a tiring day, call after call but the cases weren't even that serious making them both feel burdened. Levi knew his position in police and sometimes it pissed him off how they were called to a thing that lower unit could do with ease. Erwin looked at the man in the backseat through the rear mirror then at Levi who was resting his arm on the door looking through the window. Erwin grabbed with his free hand the radio microphone and submitted a report of their call already knowing that Levi won't speak anymore today.

Erwin was driving slow like they were on some kind of trip, not with a fucking rat in the backseat. But somehow it felt like a trip when his face was leaning out from the window, moist air and wind made his head less pressure, the dark sky made him not think about this gross day only about the warm bath and bed after work. The hum of radio fade away and he heard only the wind and wet road.

-

As soon as he walked into his office-

 _SNAP_.

The thick folders with documents hit hard Levi's white desk.

"What the fuck" Levi whispered under his nose.

He looked up, his eyes glassy from the weak light of his desk lamp just meeting the hard gaze of Nile, his commissioner. He felt just like sighing knowing exactly what he has to do. Staying after hours was a normal thing but he was already so exhausted working the second day in a row while sleeping no more than 3 hours.

"Geez, you look like shit. Do something about it," Nile grimaced. "But first this." His finger landed on the folders then he left Levi cursing under his nose.

 _Maybe I wouldn't look like shit if not this shitty job._ He opened one of the folders, with a distaste took a sip of his cold coffee and grab a pen in his shaky hand. Almost ending the first report his hand slipped when the door opened really noisy following more annoying voice. He didn't have to look up knowing already to whom that loud voice belonged, he clenched his hand on the pen.

"I knew I would find our workaholic here!" Hanji says as she entered the room, the door bounced off the wall but she held them with her hand. That freak has so much energy after 12 hours of work, what the hell was wrong with  _her_.

Levi looked down at the scrawl, his brows furrowed "You're rewriting this."

Hanji ignored his words and his serious expression as she entered the room and leaned on his shoulders, looking at the paper. Her presence didn't help him with his work, even worst, it annoyed the shit out of him. Levi ran his hand over his face, then placed them hard on the desk just so he wouldn't push her off his shoulders because that wouldn't be gentle.

"What do you want," he says, his voice really annoyed. "I'm busy so fuck off now." He knew that this wouldn't work, he might as well just give up on his work.

"We are going for a beer," she says, she was too close and her voice way too loud for Levi's ears "Hope you won't choose those instead of us."

Levi never thought he would say that but he is glad that Hanji came to him. He needed drink, alcohol, something that won't taste like cold coffee nor job. With his two fingers, he massaged his nose and closed the folder when he heard a familiar, manly voice.

"Don't you have a work to do?"

Erwin was standing there, resting on a door frame. He wasn't anymore in his uniform, wearing now white shirt that Levi saw in the morning in the locker room. The gel wasn't holding his hair anymore so he looked like after some kind of a hurricane. The fatigue was visible on his face, dark circles under eyes and a one day beard. Levi spent the whole day by Erwin's side in the car, but those things were more visible now. He didn't have time to take a good look at him. But there he was looking good in almost no light, making Levi want to hit him with the folders cause he was acting too cocky.

Even though the hurricane hair, tired face and one day beard he was still wearing that small smile directed towards him.

Levi took the folders and put them into the cabinet, closing it with a key. "He didn't say that I have to end this today." He says looking in Erwin's direction. He smirked even more now but Levi just left his desk, feeling his bones screech. 

-

It was their favourite bar. Nothing special, the inside was cheap, the same with the prices of beer they drank every Thursday but it was some kind of their little tradition, coming here in four. It depended on the day, sometimes they drank 2 beers, sometimes 6, sometimes they just came to play billiards or just hang out without the badge. The four of them worked together for almost 4 years, and they intellectually felt the others need to drink. Neither Mike, Hanji, Levi nor Erwin talked about it, but it was known that they were close and always there for each other. 

It was really empty here even if it was late at night. The only people here were the barman and two older men who were watching a football match on a tv hanged in the corner of the wall. The place usually wasn't crowded and it was one thing that Levi licked about it. He didn't like crowded places, usually feeling uptight and people were just annoying.

They sat at a corner table even when all others were free. Erwin sat down, hand threw on the other chair, near Mike's head and took a long sip of his beer. Hanji did the same, looking as manly as Erwin.

Levi didn't want to drink much today, but the thought of tomorrow's work made him drink the fifth glass. The same for others. It was already around 12 am, they were drinking slowly keeping the conversation, avoiding job topics. Levi felt dizzy when he stood up and needed a hold on Hanji's arm and a little more focus to stand still. The dizziness, trouble in maintaining balance and the fact that he accepted Hanji's invitation to dance were clear enough to state that he is drunk.

There was music, quietly playing in the background, probably because it would be too quiet without it, almost no space to dance if there was any.

Sober Levi would never let Hanji touch him in the way she did now, their bodies were touching from time to time and sometimes Hanji would let her hands rest at Levi's shoulders to whisper about how the older man is looking at her. Sober Levi would be too embarrassed, or would say it's stupid, to dance even if the place it's almost empty. The music sucks, but they didn't mind feeling their own muse inside their veins. He glanced at Mike and Erwin still talking and he felt light as his mind was empty now and his legs were led by Hanji.

He occasionally was reaching for any glass of beer just to drink something. After dancing session with Hanji which wasn't that bad, they took Mike to dance with them, while Erwin excused himself saying that his back hurts. Mike wasn't shy about his bad dance moves, he fits perfectly with Hanji's weird moves and Levi who occasionally moved his hips on Mike's thigh just because he was too freaking tall for Levi to reach other areas. The song ended, they both disappeared into the bathroom and Levi slightly sweaty came back to Erwin.

"Levi," he sighed with a smile when Levi was pulling his hand "You know I can't dance."

"Who cares?" Levi didn't like the answer, his brows furrowed not letting go of bigger hand. "Don't be such an old man." His voice trembled a little. 

Erwin stood up, already feeling embarrassed because he didn't drink as much as Levi and his mind was working fine. There was tonight this side of Levi that many many people didn't really know about. But they didn't mind really. Didn't mind getting a little drunk, get the stress of their job goes away, open up a little more for each other, have a little of joy in the shitty life of theirs.

"You are so stiff and no fun." Levi spoke, getting closer to Erwin, their eyes met and for a moment he simply gazed into his eyes, and then he drew a deep breath.

His hands placed on Erwin's chest as he didn't answer him. His body starting to move again as the song was getting faster, hands slipping down on his white shirt. Levi's eyes followed his hands, feeling Erwin's gaze and his breath all over him. His fingers curled around Erwin's belt loops and pulled him closer. It wasn't close enough so Levi turned around, his back pressing against Erwin's chest.

Erwin felt an intense wave of emotion, his large hands slid down Levi's small arms and settled on his hips, drawing him against his body, until his hips rested against his. Levi closed his eyes feeling how his body soaked Erwin's scent and warmth and started moving his hips in the rhythm of the song. Erwin seems to get better about that dancing thing, moving his hips and hands on Levi. The dance grew livelier and livelier.  _Did his back stop hurting?_

And Levi felt safe in Erwin's arms. It was a free feeling, feeling like he and Erwin were the only people in here, even when far away he could hear Hanji saying something about the football match on television. It was a nice feeling to give up everything just for this moment, music, alcohol,  _Erwin_. 

 _Where did he learn to dance like that?_  Erwin thought, Levi's moves really smooth and agile.

The closer they drew, the more intense the pressure, and the more unstable they became. Levi was already sweaty after the dance session with Mike and Hanji, but new sweat has come from Erwin's hard grip on his hips and hot breath on his neck. Hips pushing back made Erwin keep his feet firmly on the floor so they won't fall back. 

Two songs have passed and Levi opened his eyes, blinked quickly to get rid of the blurry view. His back was so warm it was almost wet. He turned around to Erwin.

"Do I look like shit?" He asked, his voice sounded terrible.

Erwin glanced up and smiled seeing Levi's drunk expression. Levi tiptoed, his lips on Erwin's, kissing him slowly and short. He opened his eyes, not being aware that he actually closed them,  to find Erwin's face over him, a smile touched the corners of his mouth and his eyes warmed.

Erwin leaned into the kiss, Levi's hand in Erwin's hair demanding more from him. And Erwin did as he wanted, hovering over him, returning the kiss passionately, kissing him for the time until Levi run out of breath, and when he pulled his head back, he gazed up at him.

"Yes, you do" Erwin whispered, looking at Levi's blank expression, waiting for some response but he remained silent. Levi's thumb caressed his cheek then his bottom lip, standing again on his toes to kiss him hard and last. 

They returned silently to Mike and Hanji's, expressions natural like they didn't just watch how Levi's ass was making circles on Erwin's boner. They decided to order the last one beer and after that go home.

-

It was almost 2 am but Levi didn't feel the tiredness anymore. He was just drunk, maybe wanted to throw up and his legs weren't so good right now so he was held by Erwin as they walk hip to hip in a dark street. It was the middle of the week so the street was empty and silent. The wind was chilly and it helps with Levi's hot temperature. He looked up from the first time since they left the bar and said goodbye to Mike and Hanji who went in different direction. Erwin's face was lit by the screen of his phone.

"What are you doing" Levi murmured not giving a damn to look at his phone.

"Texting Mike and Hanji," Erwin says, after a few clicks he put his phone back into the pocket "I want to make sure they get home safely." He added and Levi only nodded, leaning his cheek back on Erwin's bicep. 

Levi had two moods after drinking; the first one where he would talk a lot, curse a lot and won't let anybody touch him and the second one where he would say nothing and won't stop Erwin when he was too protective. For Erwin's luck today it was the second one. 

Erwin's house was in the same direction as Levi, he planned to walk him home and after that go to his own. 

Talking about being too protective, he walked Levi right at the door of his home. Levi was already one foot in his bed.

"Are you sure you will be fine?" Erwin asked, his gaze wandered over Levi's face in search of any sort of emotions.

"I'm drunk, not handicapped," Levi answered, looking gravely at his tousled hair and blue eyes shining in a light of the moon. 

Erwin didn't move as Levi came closer, his hand on the back of Erwin's neck and he involuntarily leaned down. Their lips brushed and Levi's tongue left saliva that dripped from Erwin's lips.

He let a breath out slowly, his gaze shifting from Erwin's eyes to his lips. He responded, returning kiss eagerly. The kiss was hotter, more determined, his hands already at Levi's back holding him strong as his tongue licked the corner of his lips, coaxing his mouth open. Levi didn't control the moan that escaped his open mouth, his back hit the door and his fist clutched hard in his blond hair. 

"Keys" Erwin breathed into Levi's mouth. It took him a while to understand him and after that, he reached for them into his pocket. It was hard to put the key inside when his hands were shaky from alcohol and Erwin didn't help with his lips on Levi's ear. 

The key won't move. 

Levi furrowed his brows trying to turn the key but he couldn't.

"Erwin," 

Levi's voice still shaky but it made Erwin immediately realize that something is wrong. Levi took out the key and just grabbed the handle. The door was open. He turned on the light without stepping it and looked back at Erwin.

"Didn't you close the door?" Erwin asked, his face furrowed in confuse.

"I did." He answered, sounding convinced.

They both walked in, their steps were careful. Everything in the living room seemed normal. 

Bedroom. The light in the bedroom was  _on_. 

Levi felt the blood rushing fast through his veins as he walked into the bedroom. 


	2. It's Ackerman

Levi entered the bedroom first, Erwin right behind him. Their breaths were heavy and fast, mixed with the tension of earlier making out and the anxious feeling that settled down in their stomachs. Levi was trying to remember what he was doing in the morning in a short way to the bedroom. Was it really possible for him to leave the lights on and the door unlocked? The alcohol in his body made his head ache and hard to think about the morning. He woke up early as always, having time for coffee and shower. It was morning like every other, he was sure that he closed the door.

Levi wasn't afraid now as he was going to the oddly lit room where it never happened before. He wasn't scared of what could he see, he was just curious. Levi saw too many things in his life for something to scare him anymore. He wouldn't be surprised seeing his bed turned over, broken window or blood on walls. 

For his cloudy mind, it all was happening too fast and there he was in an empty room. The bed was untouched, smoothed without any wrinkle, no footsteps, no foreign presence, window closed, lamp on. Levi went to the lamp, turned it off looking around.

His brows furrowed. Everything seemed to be in place but-

 _Nightstand_.

Levi gulped, too quiet for Erwin to hear, taking his eyes off the nightstand as he heard Erwin shifting on his legs behind him.

"So," Erwin starts breaking the odd silence "Is everything alright?"

Levi turned to him, he calmed his gaze then shifted it reflectively to nothing in particular.

"Yeah, sure," He said fast, they both didn't feel any less confused or light.

There is a short moment of silence and they both wanted to break it at the same moment but eventually, Levi cuts Erwin off. 

"You know," he started "I'm feeling like throwing up,"

When Levi gave Erwin that bored expression his gaze shifted away from his face, wandering around the room, making sure that it's all alright and Levi will be safe even when it's his first time in here. Of course, he was in Levi's house once or twice but he never saw his bedroom. Levi always like to keep his privacy. Black and white were predominant, big bed in the middle of the room looking like Levi ironed the sheets in the morning. The contrast between white, clean things and dark additions were matching Levi as a person. Erwin actually really liked it here wishing to keep him company.

His gaze came back guardedly to Levi's face.  He seemed less drunk as if something cleared his mind now, he could even stand on his own feet now and Erwin didn't know what to say anymore. He made a face at him.  Feeling the pressure of Levi's gaze that was almost throwing him out the door he left.

Levi locks the doors immediately and goes back to the bedroom.  _Nightstand_. The key was in it, he turned it right but it didn't move so he opened the drawer. Empty. 

Fuck.   

His gun was missing. 

He went to the living room, kitchen, nothing. Nothing was touched except the drawer. It was locked with a key and key was hidden under the lamp, maybe it wasn't the best place to put gun but Levi never was reckless and he never thought someone will find it. His senses were always good, never let him down but now he felt no presence and something was really wrong.

While opening door to the garden he felt something at his back. His fist clenched on the handle seeing the reflection on the glass doors. 

"Took you a while to finally visit me,"

Levi spoke, his voice controlled.

The gun was pressed against his back and he could feel the other man smirking. Levi knew that one day he will be released from prison but he didn't wait for his visit. Or thought he wouldn't find him.

"I never thought I would find you in these areas,"

The man finally spoke, his voice identical as Levi remembered. He decided to turn around and face him. His hair got longer, face covered in wrinkles and the same flash of confidence in his eyes. The gun now pressed against Levi's chest but he didn't take off his eyes from the man.

"Weren't you the one saying that it's not right to touch other person's weapon?" 

Levi spoke up again and he heard a chuckle from the man. 

"I'm sorry, I couldn't restrain," He took the gun from Levi's chest and looked closely at the silver gun, it was heavy in his hand, felt really expensive and strong. "Mind if I keep it?"

"Are you gonna shoot me or what? I kinda want to go to sleep," Levi said without any bigger emotion, ignoring his previous, stupid question. 

"Your uncle visited you after some good years and you still have no manners to elders." He shook his head, aiming the pistol at the furniture pretending that he is shooting.  _Yeah, elders._

"What do you want,  _Kenny_ ,"

"I just came to see how you are living," He started, wandering around the small kitchen. "I see that you are doing well" He continued, he sounded like he really was enjoying himself. Levi's gaze was following him all around the room. Levi knew it all was bullshit, he didn't even have to ask anymore how he got here, he remembered the tricks they both were using while  _breaking_ into other's people houses.

"You know, " Kenny started "I've just got released from prison and have nowhere to stay-"

"You gotta be kidding me to think that I would let you stay here" Levi interrupted him immediately knowing what he wanted to say.

Kenny chuckled again, the cheeky smile now didn't disappear from his face.

"Don't you remember who helped you when your filthy parents died?" He came closer to Levi, a head taller than him.

"I didn't ask you for help," Levi answered sternly.

"But without me, you would be dead."

"It's still would be better."

Silence. Levi was angry, shaking. He didn't know what to do in this situation. He couldn't call the cops because of the break into his house and Kenny exactly knew that.  Neither he could do much about it. 

He didn't like that Kenny was here. It gave him an odd feeling. Restoring all the memories he would like to erase from his mind. Kenny's presence made him realize that it all really happened and he is the last person that knows about the things two of them did some years ago.

Last person who just left the prison. Last person who has nowhere to go but to Levi. Last person who knows about Levi's past. Just the only one person that makes Levi don't forget about his past. About the disgusting, dirty days. 

Levi clenched his fist hard.

_Would the memories go away, if he got rid of him?_

 Levi looked up at Kenny with this question on his mind.

-

It was a terrible night and even worst morning.

It was his first thought after opening eyes, Levi immediately regrets that he woke up. It would be probably better not only for him but for everyone if he wouldn't go to the job today. His head ache and he felt weak physically. Was it all really because of a few beers? His night wasn't good either, he was feeling anxious knowing that behind his doors is a person who can probably kill him while he's sleeping. His sleep was so light that after hearing a quiet murmur he would pull the knife from under the mattress and was ready to attack anybody. Levi closes his eyes again cause the sun is too bright and he rubs his face with hands. The memories from yesterday's night come to his head with a big pain.

  _Job. Erwin. Gun. Kenny._

For now, he knew it's not good to keep Kenny under his roof. He agreed to let him stay after Kenny jumped with a statement that Levi should help him just because he helped him when he was younger. He didn't want to discuss anymore what kind of shitty help it was but all he knew is that he can't stay here for long and he won't left by himself.

Levi eventually crawls from warm bed sheets and takes a warmer shower. He was clean now, smelling good, wearing a freshly laundered white shirt but he didn't find anything that would help his face. His eyes were swollen, barely open, looking like he cried last night. In fifteen minutes he was ready to somehow go out from bedroom still feeling that he should call Nile or Keith and tell them that he is a freaking zombie who doesn't want to work today. Nor tomorrow. 

The morning is even worst if it's possible when he saw Kenny lying on the couch in the living room. He is way too big, his feet stick out from a couch, Levi's blanket that he lent him was on the floor and there was opened food and two cups on the table. Couldn't he just starve? 

Levi couldn't stand the annoying feeling that was taking over him, his hands were shaking just to clean this mess up and so he did in a rush. It wasn't enough for him, after job he has to wash the floor and the blanket and probably everything that Kenny has touched. For his good sake Kenny didn't wake up and Levi left for the job.

-

Levi is at work too early, he couldn't stay in the house for any longer. He woke up with a hangover even when he didn't drunk that much, there was a person sleeping on his couch who named himself as Levi's uncle and he wishes he could be little more heartless and just throw him from his house. He didn't want to think about it, not now when his head hurt even more with every new thought. Levi knew what he needs to do with this thing. Right now he just thinks how he's gonna survive this day at job.

It was his first time being so early in his workplace. It was still empty so without squeezing between people he got his second coffee almost throwing it at Hanji when she approached him from nowhere.

"Jesus," he looked down at his cup then up at Hanji.  "Are you sleeping here or what?" Without waiting for the answer he started walking to his office but of course, he could hear footsteps behind him. He entered his office and closed the door immediately in front of her nose.

He took a big sip of coffee before opening the drawer and taking the folders that he put here yesterday. 

Levi put a hand on his forehead, holding his bangs because it started to annoy him. His hand was shaking a little and his writing looked crooked. He narrowed his eyes trying to read the smallest font he had ever seen.  _Name of the person completing the report._

_L E V I  A C K R M A N-_

_wait. It's fucking Ackerman._

_Levi took a big sigh but eventually,_ he crumpled the paper in his hand and threw it across the office. He looked for the paper because he has to clean it and saw it next to someone's black shoe. He looked up at the owner and of course, he saw Erwin indoors. Unlike Levi, Erwin was looking better than yesterday. He shaved and looked like washed too. He didn't wear a shirt today but a black polo top and Levi saw it all just by one look.

Erwin looked down at the paper then at Levi. For sure he was judging him in his mind right now. Levi didn't care.

"What," Levi said rising from the chair.

"I just came to see if you are doing okay after yest-" Erwin started but Levi interrupted him.

"After what," Levi's voice harsh, it didn't sound like a question more like a warning. He took the paper from Erwin's shoe and he straightened up looking up at Erwin at close. "I'm fine."

Levi came back to his desk trying to focus on work, of course, it wasn't possible now but ignoring Erwin was so he does. 

-

Levi looked down, blood was dripping from his hands. He closed them feeling the wet fluid under his fingertips rubbing it between his fingers. It was warm, but the fact that it was blood, someone's blood made it feel disgusting. He looked from his hands to a knife that was lying next to his bare foot, he knew that knife well. With a dirty hand, he took the knife and came closer on his shaky legs to two men.  The first man, laying down on the ground was unknown, Levi saw him for the first time now, he was holding his chest, his hands bloody just as Levi's. Levi studied his face seeing the pain and anger in wrinkles on his forehead and nose. His breath was fast and his eyes were begging Levi for help but he didn't focus on him. He looked around, the place was dark, no windows, the floor was cold.  This place was familiar too but.. Levi put his wet hand on his head trying to stop the ache. He couldn't remember now why it was so familiar. He looked at Kenny. He knew it was Kenny just by looking at his back. His mind, his nose, this place it all was telling him it was Kenny. His hands were in the unknown man's pocket taking the money and golden watch. Then he turned around to Levi, sweat on his forehead, hands shaking but his face told no emotions. 

"He is still alive," he started looking at man "Levi, finish him."

Levi's hand clenched on the wooden part of the knife, shaking in confusion. He looked at the man, he was at his end but still breathing.

"Levi, he tried to take away our house,"

Levi's mouth was dry and his hands shaking, but he nodded. He came closer to the man hearing his weak pray and with a steady hand, he stabbed his chest in the same spot. The man yelled, and he cut deeper.   
  


_Ackerman_. Ackerman.

Levi shifted in his chair so dynamically that he almost fell down. His body was on fire, breath unstable and fast, his thoughts so scattered, he was not able to think right now. 

"Ackerman. Are you listening to me?"

He immediately looked up, seeing Keith face really close to him.

"What is this mess." He commented with a disgust looking at Levi then at his desk full of folders and two cups. "Get up, task force needs support and I'm sending you and Erwin." 

Levi looked around and he actually couldn't believe that he just fell asleep in his office. He was working here for so long and it never happened to him no matter how tired he was. Confused, he rubbed his eyes and with Keith's rushed command he went to change.

His brows furrowed as he fasted belts from his vest where he put two additional guns on both sides.

"Can't I go with Mike?"

Keith who was also going looked at Levi. "I thought you prefer working by Erwin's side" 

"Yeah, not today" He just added letting this topic slide. 

Levi sat on the passenger side, next to Mike. On days like this where he has no will to spoke to anyone he prefers to be by Mike's side, he has abilities just like Erwin but he doesn't speak as much as him and Levi really appreciates it. It's not like Levi ignores Erwin after what happened yesterday. Their relationship is not something that they talk about but it wasn't a thing they both were worried about now.

They arrived at designated place finding other black cars. Keith was already here. He and other two units, including Mike and Levi, gathered behind the car. Keith passed the report, telling them about the situation. They were in front of a big house where inside were two men who broke into the house and held the child with a babysitter as hostages. Levi and Mike have to take back door while Keith and the others will take the front doors. Their goal is to save child and woman which gave them permission to kill men if there is a need to. 

Without a word, Mike and Levi went to the backdoor, guns already in their hands. They knew that the men were armed but the risk of attacking from the back door was smaller and they both kept that in mind. It wasn't possible to get in there without any noise. 

 _One. Two. Three._ They both counted under their noses, looking at each other and then Mike's strong arm pushed at the doors. The doors moved but they were still closed. He tried again but nothing. Levi narrowed his eyes if they keep doing this someone for sure would hear it. 

"Wait," Levi stops him as something came up to his mind "Let me do it"

Levi needed just something thin with a curvy end. He ripped a piece from his belt and it fit into the door lock. He pushed the second metal buckle, twisting it and the door opened. Mike looked at Levi, he was surprised and relieved and it's probably Levi's first time he saw that many expressions on Mike's face. 

"How did you know that?" He asked quietly, opening the doors and he went first, his shoes making it almost soundless. 

Levi gulped, looking down. 

It was probably the same way that Kenny get into Levi's house. He knew it because Kenny learned him to do it. There wasn't any specific technique to do it, he just got to feel the locks under the thing he holds. He got the experience because of many practice.

Levi looked up and the doors were locked. His brows furrowed, didn't he just opened them, like right now? He touched the handle but it didn't do much. He heard screams behind his back, he turned around, suddenly sweating a lot, his hands were pulling angrily the handle but the fucking doors just didn't move. The footsteps were louder, his heart started beating so much faster.

"Stop you fucking brat! Won't you take them? Didn't you killed my father because of them?"

Levi looked down panicked at his hands, they were covered in blood again, the handle slipping from his fingers. Suddenly the doors opened and Kenny was standing in them with a grin on his face.

"Good job, Levi."

He looked over his shoulder seeing a woman, blood on her apron and she was throwing the bread buns at Levi. Kenny laughed so hard makings Levi's eyes go small.

"And who's that? Why would you keep that thing alive?" Kenny took his gun from his pocket.

_Shoot._

Levi's eyes go wide as the door, completely another door was open, he went inside seeing Mike lying on the floor and the man standing in front of him with a gun aimed at Mike. He didn't have enough time to shift it in Levi's direction because he felt on his knees as he got shot by Keith who showed up after that looking at Mike then at blank Levi.

-

Levi was looking blankly at the tiled floor. Nothing specific on his mind right now. He was just terribly ashamed and guilty that because of him Mike was injured. Because he didn't go with him and he had no fucking idea why he didn't. Because he didn't call Keith in the morning to tell him that he really can't work today. Because he got a fucking murderer in his house and he was also a fucking murderer.

He heard footsteps and familiar voices that wrenched him from his thoughts and when he looked up he saw Erwin and Hanji. He stand up out of politeness but had nothing to say to them.

"Keith told us what happened," Hanji started sounding calm and serious. "Did you saw him?"

"Yeah," Levi said being forced to speak, sounding weak and unlike him. "He's sleeping now, they pulled out the bullet but the wound is really deep and.." Levi didn't know what to say more, he didn't know much about the medicine things but he knew that it would probably hurt like shit and it will bother him every day. 

"I will go visit him," Hanji said, giving Levi her weakest smile "Wouldn't you mind if I go alone?" She left them, going to the room next to them.

Levi looked up at Erwin who didn't  say any word since he came here. He didn't know what to say either so he just sat back in the chair and Erwin did the same next to Levi.

Erwin wants to ask, to comfort Levi but for the whole day, Levi gave him to understand that it's not what he needs right now so he kept the silence hearing only flashing broken lamp above them.

Hanji wasn't coming back and Levi got a little nervous. Starting to think that it was really reckless to leave Kenny all alone in Levi's house for the almost whole day. Levi just wasn't sure which part of this was reckless. If Kenny wanted he could rob Levi's house at any time, he didn't come for it for sure and Levi needed to find out for what he really came to before it's going to be too late.

He looked down at his watch, 10 pm. 

"I have to go," he says and Erwin after a long stare just nods. "Tell Mike once again that I'm really sorry." he added looking in front of him then left, the sound of his shoes echoes through the long hospital corridor.

Hanji came back after another fifteen minutes and Erwin right away could tell that she was crying. It was really rare to see her, the most positive person Erwin has known, crying. She sat next to Erwin and curled into his chest as he offered her an arm. 

"He will be fine," Erwin says,  _I'm more worried about Levi,_ he added but didn't say it out loud.

 


	3. Trust somebody

Levi came back home, ignoring Kenny who was sitting on the couch watching the television. Levi narrowed his eyes looking around and everything seems to be in place. He still had many worries, knowing that Kenny is here for an unknown reason. 

He took off his jacket and undid two buttons from his shirt then went to his bedroom. His bed was a place he wishes to come back for the whole day but when he sat down he felt so much energy and anger as the emotions from today's day accumulated in him. Levi pulled his skin face with his hands as he keeps rubbing it trying to figure out what the hell is happening with him. 

Why it's happening now.  _Right now_ , where he thought that he had good friends, paying job and he can move on with just that. He can't move on, he won't be able to if Kenny would still be in his life, actually in a room next to his and it's going to be in his mind for all the time.

When he was younger he accepted the fact that he has no choice but to live with Kenny who gave him a home and food. He taught him how to fight, defend himself, how to survive when they had no money for food nor for the rent. He had to work for this, he had to learn, he had to do things that Kenny wanted just so he could survive and live for the next day. 

He was telling himself that it wasn't his fault, it's not his fault for all those awful things he did to people he didn't even know. He was forced. Of course, Levi opposed but no matter how much stronger and intelligent Levi was becoming, Kenny was adult and he was way bigger than Levi, always. 

But here he is now, promising himself that he would never earn things like that, he had money, he has home and no reason to kill people.  Levi doesn't care what others think about him or what they say, sometimes he even acts like he has zero feelings which is bullshit but he doesn't want to  _kill_ innocentpeople. 

Thanks to Kenny Levi is now strong, really strong not only physically, he saw a lot and experience a lot. Working as a cop made him realise that there are equal or worst people than Kenny but it's all the same. He is aware of what people can do. 

Levi could always control his emotions but it was different now, he got nightmares and hallucinations and he couldn't stand it because he didn't help his friend and he got shot and Levi didn't know what could happen next.

"Kenny," Levi started as he entered the living room. "When are you leaving?"

The man shifted from his position looking not surprised at Levi's question. Levi already furrowed his forehead in annoyance just by looking at the man who was feeling all comfy on his couch. "Are you throwing me away?" 

"Yes."

The words did nothing, a moment of silence then Kenny broke it. 

"You know what," Kenny sat up and Levi narrowed his eyes. "I'm feeling like I'm back to the old days," He said with a smirk on his face and Levi didn't even move. "You didn't grow much since back then tho." He laughed at him but unfortunately, Levi couldn't share with him this happy moment of recall.

"I'm giving you a week," Levi spoke. "and then I don't want to see you anymore."

 

-

 

At the evening Kenny left not giving him many details and Levi would gladly barricade himself so he won't come back. But instead of that, he cleaned the whole flat because the sleep still won't come and he needed to do something, just anything. He washed the blanket he gave Kenny, wiped the dust and made himself a very late dinner at 12 pm. With a bowl in his hand and spoon in his mouth, he went to open the doors as he heard the knocking. 

"Did you have to come-" Levi stopped and the spoon dropped from his mouth to the floor when he saw Kenny in the door.

The hat he used to wear when Levi was smaller was now in his head, he saw two guns in his hands, a wide smile on his face and Levi felt small. He wasn't scared but he was feeling helpless, powerless like he couldn't do anything about Kenny's presence here. He was getting smaller and smaller and Kenny has gotten bigger, his legs were long, the big shadow behind him started growing, devouring the room in darkness and he was hovering over Levi. The whole hall became dark and Levi had to look up to saw Kenny's face blooming in a wide smile. 

"Seems like my little Levi didn't  grow up much," Levi couldn't tell if Kenny's mouth was moving but the echo of his voice was getting louder and his voice weirder sounding like someone played that from broken audiotape. 

Levi started going backwards, his hand felt the handle as he couldn't take his eyes from the big posture in front of him. He couldn't open the door to his bedroom and he heard creepy laugh bouncing off the walls.

"You won't kill me, Levi," the voice says, Levi wasn't sure anymore if the thing in front of him was Kenny, he couldn't recognize anything in this darkness. "I will be always with you.."

Levi opened his eyes, he looked around, he was in his room, in his bed.  _Damn it, fuck, damn it._ He rose up to sitting position and rubbed his face. The window was wide open and it was freezing. Levi grabbed his phone to check the time,  _2:30 am,_ he still has some time to sleep. He got a message from Erwin and just of curiosity he opened it, his eyes almost closed because his phone screen was so bright.

_Mike woke up, he said you shouldn't apologize._

Levi looked at the text for a while then lastly decided to answer him.

 _I'm glad he did._  

Was all that Levi send, he put the phone back on his nightstand. His hand turned to where the key was placed but he hesitated. Not now.

 

_-_

 

This morning Levi didn't have any problem with waking up, he felt better physically with a hope that his mind won't play him tricks today. 

He gets to the office on time, thinking again that he should make a driving license as he was squeezed between two old men. In the locker room, he changed into black turtleneck noting that it is strangely empty and quiet. One short knock on the white doors with plate  _Officer Smith_ and with no waiting for an answer Levi entered the surprisingly empty room. Doing the same to Hanji's office and just to make sure he visited Mike's office but nothing. There was just Moblit and Keith who of course saw that Levi was wandering blankly around their floor. 

"Don't you have nothing to do?" Keith asks.

"Where are Erwin and Hanji?" 

"They got a free day after spending almost whole night in the hospital," Keith gaze was still on the computer in from of him, not even glancing at Levi. "Bet they are still there."

Levi looked around at the clock, it was just 8:22 am. Then he looked at empty waiting room and hanger trying to make up the weird feeling inside his stomach. Feeling a little too uneasy with the fact that they were at the Hospital all the time. Will their presence even change something in the way Mike is feeling? He doesn't think so but he should probably show up too.

"Can I go too?" Levi asked and Keith looked up at him, he was trying to figure out how he's feeling but he couldn't hear a hint of emotions in Levi's voice.

Finally, Keith nodded but stopped Levi with his voice. "Take your badge with you, you are still in the service."

Levi went to change, put on his black jacket, his badge in the inner pocket and gun at the back of the belt before he left taking the bus again. In 25 minutes he was again at the hospital there was a lot of people sitting and waiting probably for their turn but Levi couldn't see Erwin nor Hanji. He asked the passing nurse if he could visit Mike and she agreed so he went to the same room as yesterday seeing Erwin and Hanji sitting at a small table and solving a crossword. 

"You still here?" Levi asked.

His wandering gaze came up to Hanji's face seeing her weak smile despite all the tiredness and dark circles under her eyes. Then he looked at Erwin who didn't look as tired as she but his expression wasn't better. On his way to the hospital, Levi bought them all coffees thinking that they might be tired of watching and sitting here. He put them on the table getting a quiet nod from Erwin and sat on the chair next to Mike. 

"How is he?" Levi's eyes didn't stop wandering around all the working mechanism around Mike then at his wrapped wound.

"He woke up in the night," Hanji started. "But he is still too weak and it's better for him to sleep." 

Levi nodded he didn't know what to do with his hand, should he touch him or pat him or something like this? He wasn't good at comforting people so his hands were still placed on his knees and bit his inner cheek as the guilty feeling was taking over his mind again. 

"Did they give you a free day too?" Erwin breaks the silence that was bothering Levi and the question brought him and his mind back to the hospital. Levi rose up from the chair and shook his head. He pulled from his jacket's pocket badge and waved it casually with a grimace on his face. 

"I just came here to see how Mike is doing," Levi sighed, gazing up at Erwin. "And you." His gaze disturbed and confused Erwin so Levi broke it going towards the door. 

"Going back to this shitty job," Levi started. "Hope I won't kill nobody today." He was ready to leave but Hanji's voice stopped him.

"Levi is not your fault." 

But Levi knows better and he just left.

 

-

 

Levi got a call from Nile and he waits for him. Again it sucks to have no driver license, he feels like he is the only one in the unit who can't drive but Levi is so used that Erwin always drives him anywhere, when they are together he thinks that he doesn't need it.

Levi got into a black car and as soon as he fastened his seat belts Nile starts his nagging.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" His voice controlled and as he stopped at the red light he looked at Levi. "If not Keith, both of you would be dead-"

"I know." Levi interrupted him sounding calm. Nile didn't say anything new and Levi didn't need to hear those words because for sure it wouldn't help him. 

"Pull yourself together, man," Nile added after a while. "Everyone is talking about you and this accident"

"As always they can't mind their own business and do their job, all they do is talk," Levi says under his nose but after all, he cares what they think about him in the police. He worked hard for people to name him one of the most professional and he treats his job seriously. Coming to this job he learned that now he bears a massive responsibility for the lives of people and his actions.

Never thought that a person who used to take people's life away now was saving them. Becoming a cop made Levi think that he starts a new path and his account is clean. But he didn't know anymore.

"Hey you, get out"  Nile raised his voice and Levi realised that they had arrived. They both entered the building going to an interrogation room. They entered the room going through another door with a big glass, table and two chairs. There was a man, handcuffs on hands and one leg handcuffed to the chair. Levi saw him for the first time but it seems that Nile knows him well as he asked him how he is feeling today. The man didn't answer and Levi stood behind the chair where Nile sat down. 

Nile turned on the dictaphone, stretched his fingers and opened a folder with files. Levi got a copy with him and he opened it. He looked at the man sitting in front of him and Nile. He didn't look old but looked neglected and anxious. Levi could tell at first gaze. He looked down at the documents and read. 

_Breaking into the house, unsuccessful theft of the home's goods, wounding the owner. Numerous thefts, expelled from school at young age._

"Maybe today you will tell us something?" Keith says as Levi was flipping the pages seeing a word  _murder_ and  _theft_ few more times. "By the way, this is officer Levi"

Levi looked up from files finally making eye contact with a man. Both gazes were curious about each other. Levi closed the folder in his hands and just nodded to greet the man whose eyes were large but blunt and didn't say much.

"So what we know?" Levi asked as he was totally blank in this case.

"This is Moses Braun, he broke into a stranger house, tried to steal money and jewellery but fortunately the police managed to reach on time before he would kill the owner of the house." Levi kept his gaze on the man whose gaze dropped to his feet. "It's not for the first time, he was in prison three times but still we have problems with him."

"I told you I didn't want to kill this man," the man finally spoke up and Levi's gaze immediately on him. "Just fucking shut me down,"

"For what? So you can get out next year and do the same thing?" Levi spoke up and Keith was watching Moses' face carefully. 

"You won't understand it, I wouldn't do it if I didn't have to."

"Which part of robbing other people we don't understand?" Nile interrupted them and Levi bent his lips in a weird grimace. 

"Then why did you do it?" Levi asked ignoring Nile's raised tone.

There was a long moment of silence Nile was just ready to force the man to talk but Levi put his hand on his arm to calm him down. Just by looking at the handcuffed man Levi could tell that there was something different about him. The man looked like he was fighting with himself in his mind. 

"If someone forces you to this.." Levi was trying to make the man speak. "They wouldn't know that you told us about it."

"Yeah, no shit, how else would you find out?" The man seems to get angry.

"You can count on me," Levi said, his voice controlled but the man looked up with a flash of hope in his eyes.

The interrogation lasted two more hours and Nile seemed really satisfied with Levi's work. Thanks to Levi they got to know that the man was blackmailed and forced by his father, he told them about their situation and how his father set him up for the murder of his mother. It all made sense and Levi felt the connection between him and the guy, that's why he wanted to hear his story. 

Levi spent an almost whole day by Nile's side, he never enjoyed working with him but Levi was determined to show him that everything is okay with him. He also proved it to himself. They passed the last report and Levi ask could Nile drive him to the hospital and for his surprise, he agreed. 

Levi is again at the hospital. He entered the room where Mike is laying but he noticed that only Hanji is here. She is sleeping on the chair, saliva on her cheek and Levi grimaced in disgust. After that, he noticed that Mike is awake. His mouth went dry but eventually, he came close to him. 

"How are you feeling?" Levi asked gingerly.

"I'm fine," Mike answered shortly and he meant it, Levi could tell that he looks better than yesterday and his heart felt a little lighter. There was a silence between them, not uncomfortable, Levi wanted to make him feel better but didn't know how.

"Mike, I'm sorry," Levi started, a slow smile worked its way across Mike's face, Levi didn't know why he was smiling.  

"You don't have to," Mike started, "One of us would get shot anyway." And Levi wishes it could be him. 

Levi looked around, it was getting dark and he probably should wake up Hanji to send her home, he heard Mike's cough and came back to him with his gaze.

"Do you need anything?" Levi asked. 

"Oh, I already asked Erwin, he should be back soon with my books and glasses." Levi nodded, he was wondering where Erwin could go, he wouldn't leave Hanji like that. Hanji snored and they both looked at her. 

"Psycho, she really worries about you," Levi furrowed his brows looking back at Mike, "If I would get shot bet she won't even come." Levi wasn't sure if he was joking or not but he really saw a sensitive side of Hanji this time.

He talked for a while with Mike, the talk wasn't exhausting, Mike didn't say much either Levi but he was glad that Mike was feeling better. After a while, Erwin came back and the first thing he saw was Levi. 

"You here again?" Erwin asked, his voice calm and warm. He put on the table next to Mike books, glasses and many more things that Mike probably didn't ask for. They both turned around when they heard stranger voice which belonged to the nurse, telling them that they should let Mike rest. Erwin put a blanket that he brought with him on Hanji as she was still sleeping on the chair and they both left the room.

The hospital was again almost empty at this hour. Erwin sat down and the old chair creaked under his weight. 

"Aren't you tired?" Levi asked he could feel how tense Erwin was and heard the sigh he made. "You can go, I will stay with them." Levi sat next to him feeling how Erwin is shifting on the chair that was way too uncomfortable for him. He leaned a little to Levi's side, their arms touched and Erwin closed his eyes. Levi looked down at his watch, 10 pm. He should probably go back home, to see what Kenny is doing, but instead, he rested his cheek on Erwin's arm and closed his eyes.

_It was late at night, he couldn't recognize where exactly he is but Kenny and two other men were with him. There was a woman in front of him, she was crying, bleeding from nose and one of the men was pinning her against the wall._

_"Move, let our little Levi see what real woman looks like," Kenny said and the man moved aside, the woman didn't move cause she was still surrounded. Kenny pushed Levi in front of her, he was confused, 13 years old looking almost as panicked as the woman._

_"Come on Levi, today you will become a real man." Levi felt a hot breath near his ear repeating Do it, Do it, Do it. He was shaking, not knowing what to do exactly, the woman was shouting and Levi's eyes went wide. He swallowed loudly as someone pushed him forward and his hands fallen to the wall so he won't touch the woman._  

_"I don't want to," He whispered quietly but unfortunately Kenny heard it._

_"You don't want to become a man?" Kenny asked with a smile in his tone. He pressed his body against Levi's back forcing Levi to be pressed against woman's chest. The woman was fidgeting and repeating quiet please under her nose. Levi gathered his strength and pushed himself away from the woman. Before he could hit Kenny one of the men grabbed Levi by his arms and hold him as Kenny pulled out a knife and cut her throat with one smooth move._  

_"We're not done, Levi," Kenny whispered and grabbed Levi by his black hair pressing him again against the woman._

_No, I don't want to. I don't want to._

Levi opened his eyes as something distracted him. He saw Erwin in front of him, his expression startled and his blue eyes big. "Levi, what is happening?" He asked, in a husky voice, probably because Levi woke him up. 

Levi swallowed hard understanding what just happened. He was all in sweat, feeling too hot in his turtleneck, his breath was fast and he looked down at his shaking hands. It was just a dream. He was still at the hospital. He felt Erwin's hands on his shoulders and looked again up at him meeting his eyes.

"Erwin." 

Levi couldn't say more at the moment,  Erwin crouched and without a word Levi leaned into his open arms now, resting his body against Erwin's chest. His strong scent and cologne was the first thing he felt, then he felt the warmth that curled around his own neck and he closed his eyes when he felt that his body was shaking in a weird, uncontrolled way.

Erwin's arms closed around Levi's back and they stayed like this for a while until Erwin's legs started to hurt in this position and he felt that Levi wasn't shaking anymore. He straightened his legs making Levi move back in his chair.

"I'm worried about you, Levi."

Levi looked down at his hands, he put them into his jacket's pocket and took a deep sigh. He didn't think about sharing it with someone.

_Levi didn't tell anybody about his past just because he had no one or he didn't trust people around him enough. It was a part of him and if he shared it with someone, the person will always have half of Levi._

"I should go home," Levi stood up and Erwin stopped him with his hand on Levi's shoulder and his expression demanding the answer to his earlier question. 

Levi looked at his friend and, noticing that he did not want him to go he came closer to him almost whispering. 

"I need your help,"

_But it's the right time to tell it, somebody, he had Erwin and he trusted him fully._


	4. Red light

Erwin entered the room seeing Hanji still in the same, looking uncomfortable, sleeping position. She must be really tired, so he decided to wake her up. His hands shook her shoulder gently and she rose up, her hair sticking out in every direction and her glasses almost fell down but she caught it at the time. 

"Something happened, Erwin?" 

Hanji asked, her voice a little hoarse as she stretched on the chair.

"I think you should go home and rest." 

Hanji looked out the window seeing it was already dark outside, she spent here an almost whole day so Erwin was probably right. They both should get some rest cause the stress was the same - in the office and in the hospital. She looked at the bed where Mike was sleeping, the room would be wholly dark if not the lamp near the bed. She wanted to ask about Mike when Erwin interrupted her.

"Mike is alright, I was talking with the doctor," Erwin smiled knowing that it was what she really wanted to ask about. He took her and his coat from the hanger, giving it to her. It was a big relief knowing that Mike is only getting better and he will recover soon. At the beginning, they didn't know how it will turn on but Erwin knew that he will be alright and he needed to calm Hanji. 

Hanji adjusted her glasses after wearing her coat and she came closer to Erwin, hugging him. Erwin's hands rubbed her back. They didn't need any words to comfort each other, the things like solving crosswords or eating dinner at the hospital were enough for them to feel each other's support. She left after a long embrace.  He thought it would be more difficult but she left without more question. Erwin looked at Mike for the last time, turned off the lamp and left the hospital.

He found right away Levi standing under the roof, wearing all black still it wasn't hard to find him. He was shaking from cold, Erwin forced him to wait longer than he should, half of his face hidden in his turtleneck. Coming closer to him, Erwin pulled from pocket keys to his car. He opened doors for Levi then sat behind the wheel. Levi fastened his seat belts being ready to go but Erwin knows almost nothing. Without fastening seat belts he put his hands on the cold wheel his gaze at Levi feeling helpless.

"Where should I drive?" Erwin asked, his voice calm.

He didn't know what was happening with Levi, he never was effusive with his feelings, didn't have the need to. If there was something that was bothering Levi he will speak up at sight always being honest, sometimes too honest. There are times where people shouldn't be so direct but Levi never had this boundary. But Erwin always appreciated this feature of Levi and he was confused about that change. He didn't know what was happening but for sure it was a serious thing because Levi never had a problem with expressing his feelings.

"Should I drive you home?" Erwin asked again as his eyes met Levi's cogitative gaze.

"Should we do it now?" Levi asked but it seemed as if he was still somewhere far away with his thoughts.

"Do what?"

" _Kill him_ , we have to kill him, Erwin" 

Erwin's forehead wrinkled in confusion, Levi didn't move. The silence in the car made it even odder, because of it Erwin even forgot to start the engine. 

"Kill who?" Erwin dared to ask putting aside every other thought about this situation.

"The man in my house." Levi moved his gaze to the side window, focusing his eyes on the broken lamp. "Can you do it now?" His gaze finally came back to Erwin's face eyes overflowed with an unfamiliar flash. 

Erwin was trying to understand that look but he understands nothing. "What are you talking about, Levi?" He shifted in his seat so he could see him better but Levi turned to the window again and Erwin was seeing only his profile.

"Am I speaking indistinctly?" His tone changed to slightly annoyed but Erwin didn't move. "I told you I need your help, I want you to help me and kill a person, is that so incomprehensible to you?" Levi asked his expression still serious. 

Erwin was really confused. He put aside every question about Levi's weird words. "Why do you want to kill somebody?"

"I wish you wouldn't ask so many questions," Levi murmured and looked down at his hands, thinking about something, Erwin could tell. "If I told you about this you probably won't think about me as the same person anymore,"

 "I don't think there is something that could change my mind about you, Levi," Erwin said it so surely that a spark of stupid hope lighted in Levi's chest. A hope that Erwin won't think about him as some psycho. Even when he didn't care much what people think about him, he cared about Erwin, a little.

"Can we..." Levi stopped, squeezing the fabric of his sleeves which he had previously pulled down. Erwin could see the slight change in his behaviour like he was trying to hide something. "..talk about this somewhere else?" 

Erwin nodded, looking at Levi for a moment. There was a change in his facial features, they softened in more like vulnerable way. He could still feel the anxious feeling in his own stomach. 

Erwin started the engine and almost for the entire trip there was a silence in the car. Erwin just asked in a halfway is Levi cold. He just muttered that it's okay but eventually Erwin turned up the heating seeing with the corner of his eye that Levi was hiding in his jacket. It was already dark outside, he turned on the radio that was now playing some old rock music in the background, he was trying to make Levi feel less anxious but he didn't shift on his place even when Erwin he drove through the red light.

They have arrived at Erwin's place and he let Levi first locking the doors after him. They took off their jackets in a silence then out of politeness Erwin asked if he wants something to drink already knowing Levi's answer, he wanted black tea.

When Erwin went to the kitchen Levi sat down on the couch, taking the corners of the blanket and covered his back and shoulders with it. He could already feel Erwin's scent, didn't mind soaking in it. Levi looked around seeing a small mess, some clothes, newspapers and cups it's probably because Erwin was in the hospital all the time. He looked down seeing Erwin coming with tho cups and then sitting in front of him. 

Levi eyed him silently. He reached for his cup, drinking slowly because it was hot, Erwin didn't speak either watching Levi's fingers, falling bangs and blanket on his shoulders waiting for Levi to take his time before speaking.

Levi stopped drinking, his back hit the couch and hugged his knees to his chest. "I've never spoken about my family much because I barely remember anything," he stared, his voice controlled. "They died fast and after that, some guy showed up saying that he is a friend of my mother, he said that he will take care of me then," Levi took another sip, Erwin still silent, he wasn't used to Levi talking much but if he feels the need Erwin would listen to his every word. 

"I thought I had no other choice but to agree, what could I do as a child." He made another break, "As I grew up older I understood that death would be a better choice than him". Levi finally looked up from his cup to Erwin's face. "I don't know if you remember, some time ago we arrested those fucked up parents who abused their adopted child. When they give us their witness and when we talked with that kid at that time I wanted to tell you that it was kinda similar to me," another sip, "That's why later that day I told you that I would like to adopt him if only I was older or ready for it," 

Erwin decided to finally speak as Levi focused on his cup for too long, losing his mind once again. "Levi, I know sometimes people don't have an amazing childhoo-"

"I killed people," Levi interrupted him, "I killed so many people for food, for money, for something that parents should give me but I was forced to earn this when I was a fucking kid. At that young age, I didn't think about consequences, I just did it because I was told to, because sometimes I was so hungry that when I looked at a dog I wanted to gut him and eat him." Levi looked down again, Erwin's scent from the blanket came to his nose and he involuntarily buried himself more in this.

"He just showed up in my home, like it's nothing, after spending 10 years in prison, and I just.." Levi stopped, his voice trembled a little. 

Erwin was a good listener but he could see every emotion on Levi's face and eyes. He was like an open book now, never spoke about it so openly, didn't share it with anybody and it was hard to keep his cool face for the whole time. It was a totally different side of Levi, the side he was always kept for himself, not wanting to show his weakness, but as he managed to trust Erwin he couldn't hide it anymore. 

Levi drew a small breath, "Plus those fucking nightmares," 

Erwin put his hand on chin, his eyes narrowed at Levi. "So you think that if you kill him, the nightmares will be gone?" That's partly what Levi thought. 

"I can't live with him for any longer, I don't want to wake up with a knife at my throat." Levi took a big sip of his cool tea, looking down at his hands. It wasn't really that hard, maybe because it was Erwin or because he was grown enough to talk about this.

"I see," Erwin said, his elbow rested on his knee. "Is killing him the only way?" 

Maybe there was another way but not for Levi. 

"He deserves it." Levi sounded sure and solid for the first time since they came to Erwin's house.

"Since when you act under the influence of emotions?"

"I don't." he murmured. "I never really wanted to kill anybody, until now. I want him to know that there is no one for him in this world anymore." Levi put his cup away and leaned over the table to be closer to Erwin. "Are you going to help me or not?"

The room was silent for a few minutes after this question. Levi's brows furrowed, his face austere. "Erwin," someone finally spoke up, "Do you hate me now?" 

"I don't hate you, Levi, I just don't know if it's a good idea." 

Levi's jaw tightened and his eyes flashed a warning.

"He is the last thing alive that reminds of the past, he did it all, he ruined me as a person, Erwin." Levi's voice started to rise again. "I'm so disgusted just to think about all of this and he just came to me like nothing ever happened. How dare he. How fucking dare he show me that he is still alive? He is begging for death."

Levi was sure now.

"I will kill him and I will never regret this." Levi put down the blanket, getting up from the couch. "If you won't help me I will do it myself." He stood in front of Erwin, waiting but also ready to just leave. 

"Levi, wait." 

Erwin looked up and their shaking eyes met.

"I will help you." 

Levi gulped. "Fine." 

 

-

 

Levi spent a night in Erwin's house. One excuse about the weather was enough to keep Levi in his house. The atmosphere was tense because Levi was angry after all he told, he could kill him just right now but Erwin was trying his best to keep his eye on him. He wanted for Levi to have a good sleep so he offered him to sleep in the bedroom but Levi chose the living room telling Erwin that he should rest in his own bed. 

"Are you alright with this?"

Erwin asked, leaning against the door frame to his bedroom seeing how Levi is making up three pillows that he got from the blonde. Levi finally found the most comfortable position, his back on the couch and the blanket under his chin. He looked at Erwin and his tired eyes narrowed.

"You didn't ask me to sleep with you so what's your problem. "

Erwin came closer to him, wearing his pyjamas while Levi was in his clothes. 

"I'm worried about your nightmares, I hope here you won't have any." He sat down on the couch, near Levi's hand.

"My biggest nightmare right now is how ugly your pyjama is." 

Erwin smiled but it faded away fast. "Thank you for opening up for me, Levi." He said nothing, but it was a good feeling that Erwin appreciated it. "And for trusting me." He added and Levi's eyes glowed. He was getting close to him, their eyes didn't lose a contact as Erwin leaned, his lips near Levi's lips and when the smaller was ready to close his eyes Erwin's hand brushed his bangs away and kissed his forehead. 

"Bastard," Levi said but the warm kiss on his forehead spread throughout his entire body. Erwin moved away, Levi's eyes on his lips then shifted to his eyes. "I trust you, Erwin, don't let me down." He nodded, wishing Levi a good night, disappeared into his bedroom and Levi really had a good night.


	5. Dirty floor, dirty clothes, dirty car

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really love levi in turtleneck

Levi had a day off today, but he had to wake up early because Erwin had a morning shift. Erwin woke him up, gently shaking his arms, then he took off the blanket that was covering half of Levi's face and the morning light hit him in the face. Erwin leaned in asking if he wants to sleep more and Levi almost throw a pillow at him because he woke him just to ask this stupid question, but after all, he decided to go back home.

Erwin already in his blue shirt when Levi rise up, the blanket still on his hips, he didn't have a good sleep like this in days. He wishes he could stay here a little longer but it would be weird to be in Erwin's house without Erwin. It was warm and he felt Erwin's scent all around him, he was sleeping in his clothes from yesterday but it didn't smell like him anymore. After a while, he heard a quiet question about his sleep as Erwin was tying his shoes and he murmured also quiet fine.

Erwin drove him home, he stopped at his wicket.

"Is he there?" He asked, a flash of curiosity in his eyes as he looked through the window at the house.

"I guess he is," Levi answered, "What, you wanna come in?" his voice harsh but that's how it sounded naturally and Erwin didn't react. His hands tightened on the wheel but his body leaned into Levi's side, his eyes still focused on the house.

"He came that evening, right? In Thursday," Erwin's eyes moved now to Levi's face, he made a face at him, slightly surprised but the expression was gone as his eyes met with Erwin's, he knows him too well. Levi didn't say anything, it was almost a week since Kenny showed up and to be honest it was some awful days.

"Tell Nile that I'm sick and I will be absent tomorrow," Levi broke the silence, Erwin knew an answer to his previous question and Levi won't give him this satisfaction, he undid his belt and sat on his thigh facing now Erwin, unnecessary move. "Think yourself another excuse, this one is mine." Levi didn't know if it would work out, he didn't have a certain plan and any thoughts how this could turn out but he wanted to act and do something about it.

"Your illness can get me too," Erwin said, waiting for some kind of reaction from Levi but his gaze was still blank.

"No, it's disgusting," Levi frowned his brow in displeasure then cut off this weird topic, "Come after work," he grabbed the handle, got out of the car then lastly leaned into Erwin's direction. "Take your gun with you, it may help," Levi slammed the door and Erwin's gaze led him to the door then he left.

Levi entered home, feeling already weird smell. He sniffed, making a noise and he actually felt scrambled eggs? Or was it because he was so hungry? The smell was coming from the kitchen so he went there seeing Kenny with a pan in his hand. When Kenny noticed him he laughed seeing Levi's grimace.

"Oi, Levi you came back," Kenny said stirring eggs, "I was worried about you." his voice was raised, sounding too happy and squeaky for Levi. 

"Why," he said but it didn't sound like a question, he actually pulled out the plates and put them on the table near Kenny.

"You should do some grocery shopping," Kenny's hand on his hip as he opened the almost empty fridge, Levi looked at the fridge then at him and his brows lowered in annoyance. He sat down, his eyes narrowed watching how eggs landed on their plates. "Who told you, you can eat here? You should starve," Their gazes met and Kenny laughed and handed him a plate.

"You should earn it the way I did it back then," Levi looked down at his plate, he was hungry and he never despises food so started to eat it even when Kenny was the one who did it.

"Maybe I should," his eyes flashed and he sat right next to Levi, "but you have a lot of money so there is no need to," he said with his mouth already full with eggs.

"Did you touch anything with your filthy hands?" Levi asked but unlike Kenny, he swallowed food.

"No, no I didn't, don't think about me like that, Levi"

"You don't want to know what I'm thinking about you,"

 

-

 

 

Levi closed the door to his bedroom and thought about the things he will need if his plan would actually succeed. He put his black jumper on the bed, next to the bag, gloves, two packs of tissues, knife and rope. He heard a knock on the door and rolled his eyes. Kenny was really annoying today, he entered his room without Levi's permission and he put the knife in the bag before he could see it.

"Going somewhere?" His back rested against the closet and his hands on his chest. Levi couldn't stand the curiosity but he answered him without looking at him.

"Business trip,"

Levi wasn't in a mood to talk a lot today and for his no luck, Kenny was.

"So what, I will stay at home alone?"

Levi looked up, the annoyance was visible in every wrinkle at his brows. "No, you will have a babysitter," his gaze was harsh as he came to the closet, playing on time. At that time someone knocked on the door, Kenny's gaze still at Levi when he was moving the hangers.

"Go and open, I'm busy,"

Kenny left with his eyes on Levi, after that Levi came closer to the doors of his bedroom, straining his hearing. A familiar, soft voice called from the hall at that Levi's hand slipped into his back pocket and went to the direction where the voice came from.

Levi approached Kenny's back without any sound in his socks, he pressed the taser to his back, his index finger pressed the button and he counts in his head up to four. After that, he released the button and Kenny fell straight into Erwin's arms. Levi looked up at Erwin's startled expression.

"Come in, we should lock the door,"

Erwin came inside with a stranger in his arms, he was breathing but couldn't move and won't be able for a short while. Levi closed the door and went to his bedroom when Erwin wanted to ask what he should do with him Levi came with a rope in his hands.

"Put him down,"

Erwin carefully put him down on the carpet holding his wrist to his back as Levi tied his hands. His bangs covered his eyes so Erwin helped him with the knot.

"I thought you would withdraw and won't come," Levi said with a short look at Erwin when he got another rope and tied it around his legs. Erwin was silent probably still confused because of this situation, Levi didn't tell him about their plan because, to be honest, he wasn't sure about anything. But now since Kenny was unable to move it was easy to do with him whatever he wants.

"What are we gonna do now?" Erwin spoke up, his voice low, not taking eyes off the man on the ground.

"Basement," Levi said under his nose, loud enough for Erwin to hear. He pulled a piece of material from his back pocket and tied his mouth.

Levi moved away, still on his knees at the ground when Erwin caught Kenny under his armpits and lifted him up, his body was weak and even when it wasn't pleasant Erwin was holding him close so he won't fall.

There was a single chair in the basement and Erwin decided to put him down on this, he holds him so he won't fall as Levi came with another rope, tied him to the chair, he tightens the rope's grip so much that it squeezes his chest tightly. Levi looked closely.

"I'm out of ropes," Levi sighed, "Give me your handcuffs." And Erwin gave him, he cuffed him to the chair and then straightened his back.

Erwin looked down at the man, his head was down, long hair covering his face, his breathing was getting louder and harder. Erwin knew that he would be contacting again soon. His feelings were mixed, he wanted to help Levi and that what he was doing now. They didn't do much still but he knew Levi and it was just a beginning.

"I didn't know he would be this old," Erwin said, after a long time of staring at him.

Levi snorted.

"Expected someone your age?" he asked but Erwin didn't answer. They left him going up back to the living room.

"I almost forget," Levi started, fixing the carpet with his feet that Kenny's body moved. "Do you want anything to drink?"

Erwin rolled up his sleeves from his shirt to his elbows, his one hand now on his forehead and there was a small sight from his lips. "Levi," he started in a weird voice "What do you want to do now?" He looked like all the motivation left him, like he forgot about yesterday's conversation.

"What, what," Levi mocked him, pulled off the knife from the mattress, he checked few different grips on it and it felt heavy. His favourite, knowing it would cut even the thickest skin.

"This," Levi came closer to Erwin with a knife in his hand, of course, he was higher by the head so Levi looked up as their chest touched. The blade of the knife caught on Erwin's shirt button. "Are you scared?" Levi asked, his voice calm, he just wanted to make sure but Erwin didn't move, his eyes intensely blue and a flash of determination in them. "Do you want to leave?" Levi asked once again. His dark eyes fixed on the blue of his, eagerly waiting for the answer.

"Black coffee, " Erwin answered Levi's previous question ignoring this one because they both knew that the answer was useless anyway. Erwin couldn't withdraw as he made a promise to Levi, he had hesitation but it was disappearing whenever he saw the look in Levi's eyes.

Erwin was drinking his black coffee, it should put him back on his feet after 8 hours of work, he felt like he needed that. Levi was wiping the knife with a cloth. They heard something from the basement, muffled voice but it wasn't a scream. "That shirt looks expensive, aren't you scared you will dirty it?"

Erwin looked down at his shirt then at Levi, "I'm fine with getting dirty" he said.

"But I'm not."

 

-

 

 

They went downstairs, Kenny's head was already up. He looked firstly and shortly at Levi and his eyes rested on Erwin for a little longer. It was still uncomfortable for Erwin but he held the thought that he is doing that just to help Levi get over his nightmares and past so, for now, he stood behind him and let him do what he wants to do now.

Levi came closer to him, he was getting better after the shock. He took off the fabric from around his head and let it fall to his neck, their faces were a few millimetres apart.

"You've made a mistake coming here,"

Kenny smirked but Levi wasn't surprised. He saw that his eyes were locked on Erwin so Levi turned his head and looked at him too, he was looking calm but Levi knew he was uncomfortable of this situation.

"I've seen that blondie," Kenny started, "I think I saw you in Levi's house, hello" he turned to Erwin with a creepy smile but then his gaze came back to Levi, "You need your friend to help? Can't deal with me alone?" He laughed shortly and again his eyes wandered to Erwin when his laugh echoed in the basement.

"Did he tell you what a bad boy he was?" Erwin eyed him doubtfully. "I'm sure he told all the bad things only about me."

Levi was standing still, his hands on his chest and his eyes blankly gazing at him as Kenny was continuing. "He hates me for those things but at some time, he began to enjoy it. I liked back then the look in his eyes and how he could kill several people almost at the same time."

Kenny seemed like he enjoyed this conversation with himself, he didn't even look once at the ropes that were all over his body. But Erwin wasn't really impressed, he didn't know him but he was at many interrogations, dealing with it for some years of his job, knowing how weird interrogated people may behave.

"I guess I should finally shut you up," Levi finally murmured, coming closer to the chair again. Kenny had to look up because while sitting Levi was now taller. "What now? Are you going to kill me like all those people? You didn't change much, brat."

Levi's fist clenched and he pressed it hard against Kenny's cheek and jaw. It was hard enough for his head to involuntarily fall down. Erwin didn't move but he knew it that Levi was really strong. Saliva flew from his parted lips right after that trickle of blood. "Already enough?" at his words Kenny's raised his head and smiled with a bit of blood on teeth.

"Thanks to you now I have the strength to kill you, I will use your lessons for the last time," Levi's voice got quieter as he was so close to Kenny, his fist again met with his emaciated cheek. He looked down at his fist, it hurt at his knuckles and was dirty from the blood and saliva but he didn't move away.

He even got closer, his dirty fingers now tangled in Kenny's brown hair and held his head up. "I don't need Erwin to kill you, I can do it by myself," He started and Kenny hissed as Levi pulled his hair.

"But I think it's fun since you always liked when someone was watching me," Levi almost smirked but he turned around to Erwin who was standing still in the same place. "Erwin, come here," and Erwin came without any word. Levi eyed him, his breath was stable and his face stoic, he wasn't scared nor hesitated.

"You see that blondie?" Levi's hand pulled Kenny's head with a force into Erwin's direction so he had no choice to look at him. "He is the only one person who knows about you, no one else knows if you are still alive. There is no one who cares about you and no one will look for your body when we get rid of it."

Levi's hand was replaced by Erwin's. He stood behind the chair holding Kenny's long hair and pulled it up so his neck was more exposed when Levi pulled out a knife. His fingers ran over the blade just to feel it, it was so fucking sharp and exciting. He pressed the blunt side of the knife to Kenny's neck and he shifted on the chair.

Levi rolled his eyes then said. "Ah, yes, any last words, old man?"

"Levi," Kenny started, his voice much softer and quieter than before, maybe because his mouth was hurting. "I know I had no one but you, that's why I came here," Their eyes locked together but Levi's expression blank, holding the knife still. "It may be a wrong choice but I had nowhere to go, I wanted to live the rest of my old life with you... And I wanted you to know that I didn't want to kill you, my intentions were clear." His voice didn't tremble but his eyes were shaking now as Levi turned the blade.

"I hope that these few days were enough," Levi said, his fingers almost sweating to just make a simple move with the knife, his eyes shining. "My intentions are clear now too, I want you to be dead." He said and then ran smoothly with a knife on his neck. He almost put no pressure on it, the wound was shallow but it started bleeding right away.

Levi's eyes darkened as the short flashbacks were running in front of his eyes.  _A dead body of his mother, scream, blood on his face, scream, killed person, scream, shoot, basement, dark, cold, scream, gun, screaming people, pray, escape, bodies._

"Levi, I think it's enough,"

The familiar voice, the voice that broke through all those loud screams making them disappear. He looked up at Erwin. His hand wasn't anymore in Kenny's hair there wasn't a need to hold him as he couldn't resist now. Levi looked down, his whole sweater and hands in blood, Kenny's head fell back as his neck was massacred by deep cuts. The wound was wide open, there were also some cuts lower on his chest. The blood was almost everywhere, but mostly Levi was surprised that he lost himself that much in this.

He moved away looking now at Erwin, they both looked at each other, startled that it happened that fast, they didn't have a plan it just happened. Levi really did it. He killed a person in front of Erwin, the only person he trusts fully and he did it shamelessly.

Killed him without hesitation and without regret.

His gaze dropped from Erwin, looking down at the dead man. The blood was still coming out from his neck and he thought that he needs to buy a lot of cleaning products. It was a relief, temporary but it was. It was just the half of the work, they still had the body and here is why he needed Erwin, he needed transport, additional strength and a reminder of human's feeling, support.

"Levi," Erwin asked, breaking the weird silence. His voice was controlled, he put aside every feeling that he held in himself, just to make sure about Levi's feelings first. "Are you okay?"

Levi looked up as his voice made him feel some sort of comfort, the feeling that he was still here, didn't run away or kill Levi too. "I'm fine," He said, eyeing the blood on Erwin's cheek, collar and a few drops on his chest. He looked down at Kenny, came closer and closed his eyes with two fingers.

"Let's untie him,"

 

-

 

 

It was difficult to put the body in a sack without getting dirtier. But they did it, tied the end of the sack and left it in the basement.

"We gotta hurry up, I don't want my basement to get smelly," Levi told as they were back in the living room.

He warned Erwin to not touch anything as he undid his shirt in the doors before he entered the living room shirtless. He did the same, took off his sweater and both their clothes put into the bowl with hot water. Erwin brought with him the things Levi asked him for, he got additional clothes, something warm as Levi recommended.

Erwin sat down with his sweater in hands when Levi came with some towels and water. He sat on his knees beside him and wet the tip of the towel then pressed it slowly against Erwin's cheekbone where there was a dried blood stain. Erwin's gaze was focused on his legs but when Levi's hand touched his cheek and turned his head to his side, his eyes wandered to Levi's face and warmth shot up his neck.

He watched how focused Levi was as he tried to perfectly wash off all the blood and germs from Erwin's face. He was breathing quietly, his chest rising and falling slowly and his fingers touched his chin by accident.

"Did you still haven't change your mind about me?" Levi asked quietly because of their closeness, his fingers covered in towel were rubbing against Erwin's skin and his gaze was intense shifting from his face to his collarbones not in a discreetly way. The blood stain disappeared.

"Levi,"

"Answer me."

Their eyes have met and Levi put down the towel, wet the new one and pressed it to Erwin's forehead, moving his blond hair back. Their eyes locked ignoring that the towel dropped to Erwin's arm and Levi's wet hand was still in his hair.

"I told you I will never change my mind," Erwin said but his features didn't give any suggestion about what was on his mind right now.

"Fine," he said, shifting his attention to the towel again, squeezed it and folded them as Erwin's hand raised but Levi got out of the bed. "I will take a shower then we can go."

Levi took a fast shower just to wash it all off him, wore a turtleneck and took his bag with him. It was late and dark outside, Erwin's car entered Levi's property so it was more careful to put the body into the trunk. He closed the door and looked at Levi before he entered the car. They didn't talk about what happened, yet. They had a small talk about dirty clothes, dirty floor and Erwin's dirty car. They both tried to sound as normal as possible when Erwin started the engine.

They had to go to a gas station, the road was empty but Erwin still was driving twice carefully and Levi thought that because the body would move less in the trunk. Erwin stopped at the station and got out of the car to refuel the car. 

Levi got out as well but he leaned against the doors of the car looking around. It was empty here at this hour and Levi liked the calmness that was here, it was refreshing to be outside, breathing the chilly air feeling like all the stress and negative emotions flew away from him. 

The flashing sign of the gas station was reflected in the puddle, the sky was clear without any cloud, it was chilly outside, the winter was coming but it was refreshing, it somehow cleared his mind, made him feel like it was just a normal night. 

He turned around to Erwin. He was good at keeping it inside him but it wasn't how Erwin naturally was. Right now, he didn't speak much and didn't show any emotions, his breath was visible and he didn't move. He was staring blankly at the rising numbers when Levi came closer to him. 

"Why did you help me," Levi said in a harsh voice. The voice brought Erwin back in this place. His blank gaze looked at Levi and his fingers clenched on the gun. He didn't know how far they will drive so he wanted to refuel to full. 

Levi started to consider if it was right to get Erwin involved in this, because of him there was a dead body in his car and Erwin was looking really creepy. Maybe he should keep his mouth shut.

"I wanted to help you, Levi," he spoke softly and it was enough for him to believe.

Erwin paid for the fuel and Levi came back to his seat after shortly eyeing Erwin. He sat down, looking through the rear mirror, he saw empty back seats but the body flashed in front of his eyes as Erwin came back to the car. The car shifted from his weight.

"I'll give you the money back later," Levi said as his gaze came back to Erwin but he shook his head.

"No need to." 

The drive was long, after some time Erwin wasn't sure where they are anymore, they drove into the forest, driving slow and long, the whole car was trembling because of the pathway full of branches and holes. Erwin finally stopped the car, pulled the handbrake and looked finally at Levi after this long road. His face was tucked into his turtleneck and hands folded on his chest sitting like that for a long time without any word.

"I think this place is okay,"

They both got out from the car, it was fucking freezing now, the cold air hit them in their faces and Levi involuntarily pulled the turtleneck on his face again. Erwin opened the back door with Levi by his side and opened the bag. They both wore black gloves and Erwin bent down for the flashlight when the light coming from the forest lit Levi's face. Levi narrowed his eyes seeing a car approaching them, it stopped and the man got out standing next to his open door. 

"Do you need any help?" 

As soon as Erwin heard the man's voice he looked up at Levi but he pushed him on the seats so the man wouldn't see him. Levi took a big sight.

"Yeah, I was just sucking off my boyfriend, I guess I don't need any help." Levis saw how the man's expression changes and came back to his car. He was driving slowly next to them so Levi turned his back to him looking directly at Erwin still surprised expression.

"How he got here," Erwin thought aloud but Levi didn't mind.

"Let's go, I don't want to freeze," 

Erwin opened the trunk, took the whole sack into his arms didn't asking for Levi's help. He looked at him like he could help but it didn't seem like Erwin needed it right now. They left the lights on in the car as they moved to the bridge. 

Levi was going a few steps behind him, his hand on Erwin's gun that was in his jacket's pocket ready to shoot at anyone who would see them. It was the only matter, he knew that no one will search for Kenny's body and if they would found him - they would find out that he has no family, no friends, no job, no nothing. Almost like he was dead all the time.

There was no sign of someone else presentence, they were in front of a bridge, under their feets river looking deep and moving fast, it was a good place, Levi managed to evaluate already. 

They were looking at the flowing water for a while, but Levi was the first one who took his eyes off the water and looked at Erwin. He wasn't looking so sure and his fingers were almost touching the body. They couldn't turn back time, Levi didn't want to, he just wanted to get rid of the body and come back to his empty house. Clean every room and change the locks. But it wasn't that easy for Erwin, he is a person who is more opened than Levi, he isn't good to hide his emotions and for sure he didn't kill anybody just because someone asked him to.

"Erwin," Levi started in a quiet voice. "Do you love me?"

He asked and Erwin's eyes on him right away.

"If you do then do it."

The wind blew Levi's hair, turtleneck around his chin and his lower lips shaking from the cold. Erwin's eyes were wandering around Levi's face, mostly catching his gaze trying to find something that would stop him but he didn't. 

Levi was disgusted with himself, he forced him to do it with those words and because of him and his past, Erwin had to do it. And he actually did. He lifted the body and with the least hesitation, he threw it into the river.  

They watched how it was taken with the water current and after a while, it disappeared from their sight.

"Let's go back," 

They found a car and went inside because it was cold and they had no reason to stay here any longer. Erwin turned up the heating and just sat still waiting for it to get warmer inside the car.

"You want me to drive you home?" 

He asked casually and Levi knew he was trying to act normal again like nothing happened because Erwin thought that what Levi was doing all the time. 

"Erwin," Levi started and his voice surprisingly soft, not sounding like him too much. "Thank you," his eyes wandering on Erwin's face realizing that it really sounded stupid but he decided to keep going. "I trusted you with this decision, you are the only one who knows about this so stop acting like nothing happened," 

Levi already shifted on his spot so he could see him better. The worry on Erwin's face was making him look pitifully as he sighed and turned to Levi as well. 

"Stop looking at me with that shitty face," Levi's hands pushed Erwin chest lightly but he didn't move away. "We did it and we won't turn back time." 

The words didn't comfort Erwin not even a bit, his eyes were wide open as Levi leaned in and kissed his closed mouth. His hand with pulled on sleeve held Erwin's neck so he could press harder against his lips. The kiss was led by Levi whose eyes were closed and his lips moved slowly but intense. Erwin's eyes still open when Levi moved away just a little looking at him. Levi's eyes were shining with a something new, it wasn't excitement, if Erwin dare to say it he could assume that it was tears in his eyes.

"Erwin, don't regret it," Levi said. "Trust me." 

His words reached Erwin and he looked down at Levi's lips, it was a small sign that made Levi kiss him once again this time Erwin gave up into the kiss, drawing him clumsily on his knees.

 


	6. Lost control

Levi's warm hand was placed on Erwin's cheek, fingers scratched his rough skin, it was little stinging under his fingertips because of his one day beard. The thumb caressed skin under his eye as his gaze was locked on Levi's parted lips, he wanted more but Levi liked to tease him knowing that Erwin would do as he wants. His knees were pressed hard against Erwin's hips and occasionally he would run his hand over Levi's knee and thigh. 

"I'm so glad I have you," 

Levi whispered with his eyes closed now, his forehead rested against Erwin's feeling the heat of his breath on his face.

Erwin swallowed his words with a heavy breath, times like this when Levi would open up with his feelings were priceless and Erwin didn't dare to interrupt him. It barely happened and at the least appropriate time, this time in the middle of the forest in the middle of the night after they had thrown the body into the river.

Something squeezed in his chest, it hurt, he was wondering why his heart beats so fast now, why now, when their eyes have met like this for thousand times and their lips locked together hundred times.

The heating was turned on for a while so it was getting warmer in the car, Erwin's hand somehow got under Levi's sweater and he found his back sweaty but Levi thought it was because of how close he was to him. His fingers from Erwin's rough cheek slipped down to his jawline, then behind his ear and finally reached to his blond hair, from behind they weren't stiff from the hairspray, they were soft and Levi's fingers moved a little until they find a good grab and stayed like this keeping Erwin even closer.

"Levi," 

Erwin felt a squeeze in the lower part of his stomach when Levi sat closer on his lap, their chests brushed against each other, feeling the closeness being more and more intense. He met Levi's gaze, wide-eyed innocent look and those full lips made him forget what he wanted to say.

Levi's other hand over his head held the headrest. He squeezed it lightly when Erwin's large hands landed on his thighs, muscular, outlined by the soft material of his pants, which were now exposed as he spread them resting on his lap, knees on both sides and Erwin couldn't just touch them. 

They were looking good in those tight black pants. He dug his fingers into his skin and Levi's whole body shook with pleasure after that small touch.

"I, too,"

Levi whispered, it sounded more like a whimper than as a word and it took a while for Erwin to understand it, he didn't have enough time to figure out what Levi was meaning when their mouths crushed again in a needy kiss. His grip tightened on his hair when Erwin's hands moved to his ass, hands rested there for a while when the kiss was more demanding but when they needed a short break to catch a breath Erwin hands would squeeze his ass, it felt good under his fingers so he did it again. 

"E-erwin," Levi moaned quietly, Erwin's head rise up and he parted his lips to swallow the rest of his beautiful unsteady breath. He loved that look, where his lips were plump from a short kissing session and there was already soft flush on his cheeks. He pulled him close in an embrace, his lips warm against his ear and Levi unconsciously cuddled in his torso.

"You have such a perfect ass," Erwin whispered into his ear. He could felt just how desperate Levi is for his touch when he lifted his hips into his hands, his fingers squeezed it again this time lower. It was warm between his legs, Erwin's hand boldly slipped between them, holding Levi's thigh.

He felt his thighs tighten and his hips moved nervously so with free hand Erwin smacked his ass lightly, a short echo and deep moan filled the car. Levi shifted on his knees, his hand fell to Erwin's neck, squeezed it lightly, finger pressed his adam's apple but then his hand fell down and rested on Erwin's arm as he came closer to his face again.

"Freaking pervert," Levi whispered and both of them shared a small smile. 

The smile broke when his lips returned to Levi's and lingering in a way that made him feel weak again. His tongue moved inside, the sound of saliva and silent moans filled the car. For a moment he surrendered to his warm lips then moved away with difficulty, bit his lower lip and blinked to get rid of the blur. The leather of the chair creaked as Levi stood up on his trembling knees. 

He hid his bangs behind his ear when he looked down, Erwin's cold fingers dived under his sweater, they brushed his burning skin and bent to kiss the bulge on his stomach. He lifted the fabric and left kisses on his skin as he began to unbutton his pants.

Levi was standing still on his knees, his eyes closed when the warm kisses were stopped when Erwin reached his belt. He was holding his sweater now so Erwin could get rid of his belt and zipper faster but he kept himself distracted. He licked the trace of hair on Levi's lower stomach, leave long and wet kisses with a particularly loud squelch and occasionally rubs his cheek against his chest. He was almost ready when the loud knocking on the window caught both their attention. They turned to the window where a man was standing. The only light was from the car but Levi recognized his face. He didn't know where but he saw him somewhere.

Levi cursed under his nose when Erwin already straightened up and dropped Levi's sweater down. They didn't really want to talk with him but he kept knocking so Erwin opened the window just a little. 

"What's wrong old man," Levi spoke up first, his previous flushed expression was now replaced by his natural, the one where he didn't show any certain feelings.

"What the hell did you throw into that river?"

The man asked, more like screamed. They were surprised with that, they were sure that there is no one with them and the man would only say something about their making out session in the middle of the forest.

Levi tried to cover up his surprise with normal expression. He was silent for too long, he supposed to say something but nothing came to his mind. Erwin patted Levi's leg so he could stand up. He opened the door getting out, his legs felt really weak. 

"We throw nothing, we just came here," Erwin said, his voice was soft and he was trying to make it up in a peaceful way.

"I saw you before, you psychos!" The man was the only one screaming, the wrinkles appeared between Erwin's eyebrows. Levi stood behind him, watching the man and Erwin's pointless conversation. 

"Shut up or you will end up just like him," Levi spoke up and the panic appeared on the man's face while Levi remained calm. He took off his phone, holding it in his hand he started walking backwards. "I will call the police, don't come closer!"

"You're too loud." Levi started to walk in the man's direction so he won't go too far away. He squints his eyes and a knife popped up in his hand, he was holding it behind his back later waiting just for the right moment. 

The man fell down, his leg caught on a branch as his gaze was now focused on a shiny blade that Levi was holding. 

"I said don't come closer! The police is already coming!" He said when he realized that his phone also fell to the ground and he couldn't grab it.

"And I said shut up." 

Levi knelt beside the man, pinned him to the ground and pushed knife at the man's wrist so he won't move. The man screamed from the pain and the echo spread through the forest. "I could cut off your tongue so you will shut up." He actually thought about it for a while but it would be too disgusting. His hand tightened around his neck pressing the man to the ground even harder. He couldn't speak now and Levi was quite satisfied.

"It won't do," Erwin says behind Levi's back. "I bet he already called the cops, we have to go, Levi." 

"So what," Levi hissed turning his head to Erwin. "Are we gonna leave him here?" his hand tightened even more.

Erwin shut his eyes, rubbed his forehead as if to rid himself of all the things that happened this one day, a deep furrow ran across his forehead and when his eyes again met the picture in front of him, Levi sitting on a man, holding him and waiting for his response he rubbed his whole face with both hands.

He went to the car, pulled something from the backseat and Levi's eyes sparkled when he saw a gun in his hand. He held it surely then pointed it at the man who started to wriggle knowing what is going to happen next. His eyes met Levi's just for a short moment, to find something again that will tell him is he doing right or he should stop. He finds nothing other than permission, Levi's gaze was demanding him to do it. So he came closer, Levi's hand loosened the grip because the man was barely breathing. 

He pointed the gun at the man, the reason for why he was doing it flashed when he pulled the trigger. 

 Erwin gulped, Levi's moved away, his hand covered in blood, he took his knife from his wrist and a deep breath.

"That wasn't bad" Levi looked up at Erwin, they eyes locked for a while.

"Let's get rid of him"

"Alright, commander"

 

It was impossible not to get dirty while lifting the body and throwing it into the same exact river. It wasn't planned and Erwin was in rush, he held the man by his armpits, the blood from his wrist and the place where he shot was now on Erwin's face, shirt and even ear. Levi noticed how he clenched his teeth when the hand touched him but he says nothing.

They pulled it out quite deftly, Levi thought.

 

Erwin and Levi got into the car without even cleaning themselves, Erwin started the car just to get out from here, he didn't want to wait for police or another person who was watching them. His hands steady on the wheel, even when in the rear mirror he saw a blood stain on his cheek.

"Erwin, no one is chasing us." 

Levi was the first one who spoke, Erwin didn't say anything, even his breathing was quieter now but the grip on the wheel was really strong, his knuckles were white. He didn't slow down when the road was full of holes and the whole car was shaking. But Levi decided to sit still letting Erwin do whatever he wanted now. 

The car accelerated even faster when they left the forest. He was driving in the opposite direction from where they came. Levi turned to the window, his temple leaning against the cold glass, watching the flashing sign from a distance to which they were approaching. 

 

-

 

"You want to go out like this?" Levi asked when they stopped at the motel parking, Erwin was ready to go out but it seems that he forgot about the blood stains on his face and clothes. Levi reached into his bag, pulled out the tissues. 

He started to rub his cheek, the tissue was dry and Erwin's dissatisfaction was showing more as Levi kept rubbing it but instead of cleaning it he only made Erwin's skin look red.

"Don't look at me with that shitty face," Levi gave up on washing the stains, they were dry and he needed warm water. There was no other way than go out like this. 

The parking was almost empty, there were only two cars, one belonged to them and the second one probably to the employee. Erwin decided to take only the bag with clothes with them, he needed a warm shower, clean clothes, some good sleep and something that could erase his memory. 

Levi didn't question why Erwin chooses some cheap and dirty motel than instead of going home, suggesting wrinkles under his eyes and the way he was breathing he was tired. It was more like a mentally exhausting day, but Levi was trying not to comment a thing after what Erwin had done to him.

He didn't speak when Erwin didn't wear his jacket, didn't speak when the receptionist was looking at him like he was some kind of psychopath (even when Erwin was the one with blood on himself) or something more disgusting and he didn't speak when they had a key to their one night room and were searching for it for almost 5 minutes in the cold seeing how Erwin hands were shaking and he was cursing under his nose.

Erwin opened the creaking doors and what they saw wasn't really a surprise for the price Erwin had paid. 

"Gross,"

Levi said under his nose, looking around. Everything looked cheap and like someone forgot to clean the dust for some hundred years. He put the bag down, touched the sheets and his forehead furrowed showing some wrinkles between his brows.

"It's just for tonight's night, you will be alright."

Erwin finally spoke up in a voice friendly to Levi's ears. He sounded calm and steady, so was his touch when his hands landed on Levi's shoulders. He massaged them with a slow motion, so he won't be so upset about the place they are spending their night at. Erwin approached him, feeling the warmth of another body near his chest.

Levi felt a warm breath on his neck, Erwin using his index finger grabbed the material of his sweater and pulled it away from his neck so he could leave a small kiss on the covered skin.

"If you say so,"

Levi turned around, his arms encircled Erwin's neck, his eyes followed the dried stain then tired eyes and bags under them. But besides that he still saw a sparkle in his eyes, he wasn't angry nor nervous anymore. His blonde hair was a mess, shirt crumpled a little but Levi couldn't look away. 

Erwin's eyes were following Levi's, he saw how concentrated he was and probably thinking too much so he bent his head and brushed his lips lightly with his own. Levi's small hand held Erwin's cheeks so he could control the light kiss and his fingers moved slowly, caressing the rough skin of his.

"You still want to fuck me after that?" Levi whispered between the kisses, breaking the calm atmosphere with his bold words. He tiptoed when Erwin straightened his neck and grabbed his neck, pulling him roughly against him and kissed his lips in a demanding way that roused his will more than anything else.

Erwin said nothing as his hand lowered the sweater from his neck with one move and his lips pulled to his neck like a magnet. Levi was wearing that turtleneck all the time and he could finally reach his neck which was full of Levi's weak spots. He sucks a spot under his jawline, licks a way to Levi's adam's apple tickling it with his tongue. He gasped and Erwin smiled under his nose taking a small bite at his skin.

"Stop playing," 

Levi's groaned, his parted mouth couldn't close and shut up when Erwin kept sucking the lower spot, a trickle of saliva ran down his lower lip when Levi drew him to his face, holding his hair roughly. 

His lips were red and wet, satisfaction painted on his face, hair in a bigger mess. He was ready to kiss Levi once again but he held his hair too strong for him to move. He was so desperate and Levi loved the look in his blue eyes. 

"We fucking did it,"

Levi whispered, his own eyes shined with lust and adrenaline. Face was already flushed, the pink shade brushed his nose, cheeks and ears and Erwin couldn't believe how beautiful he was. He loved how Levi's face was changing because of him, from his hard expression to this soft and vulnerable,  showing how weak he is for Erwin and how he needed him.

His fingers hurt from his strong grip on Erwin's hair, so he let them go and after that Erwin kissed him full on the lips. 

The soft moan left Levi's mouth, he pushed Erwin and held him away from his mouth staring sharply into his eyes.

"I hope you won't cry later because of that,"

"I did it for you and as long as you're happy I'm happy,"

 

-

 

Levi tugged his pants down, he didn't manage to pull them down without any of Erwin's interruptions. He held Levi's chin, kissed him with a soft smile that made Levi kiss his teeth.

"Why are you in such a rush," 

He asked in his mouth, Levi pushed him on his back so he could finally take his pants off. Erwin's long legs were spread on the bed, with his cock resting against his stomach. This fucking view made Levi rush. Erwin's sweater was near the pillow, his hands behind his head now and he was having fun watching how Levi struggles with his skinny jeans.

He barely pulled them off and he's already on Erwin's legs palming his red and leaking cock in his hand, kissing his lips hungrily and messy. His warm lips kissed their way down his neck and across his shoulder, he was sweaty, they both dreamed of a nice shower after all that day, Levi thought it was disgusting, but his nose pressed against Erwin's collarbone, he inhaled his scent and shuddered. 

His cheeks were burning when his hand directed Erwin's cock to his hole. He hovered over him because he stood up on his knees to lift his ass up and Erwin pushed his hips up so his cock rubbed against his spread cheeks. Levi gasped on the feeling of his hard and big thing between his cheeks and Erwin smirked, he grabbed his neck hard, his lips seeking his hungrily.

"Did you fuck with someone lately?"

Erwin asked severely against Levi's open mouth, he brushed his blonde hair away from his face and sat down slowly making his cock's head sink into his hole. The stretching fucking hurts and Levi immediately stopped. 

"So tight," Erwin gasped, his strong arms held Levi's thighs. He lifted his hips pulling it out and putting in again, he was freaking wet so it was getting easier. "I can tell you didn't," 

"Ah," Levi gasped again, holding his turtleneck so it won't touch his own dick, he moved his hips up and down slowly, it hurt, it always did and the pain was turning him on even more. He closed his eyes getting into every move, his ass slipped lower and lower, swallowing the almost endless length of Erwin's cock. "It's so fucking good," He mumbled under his nose, didn't know if Erwin heard that, he couldn't even look at him now as the feeling was growing better and the angle was just right.

Levi admitted to himself that he needed that feeling, he couldn't compare this feeling to anything. It filled him to the end and whenever he moved his body reacted. At first, he didn't like that, he couldn't control his body or his mouth when he was in that state, but he opened his eyes, he saw Erwin, even now with a sweat on his forehead and a hard on there still was a look of care in his face and Levi remembered why he trusted him.

He bit his lower lips hearing Erwin's heavy breathing, he wanted to thrust into him but Levi pressed his knees hard into his thighs to stop him. For now, Levi sets the pace and he has the control. He fucks himself slowly on his dick, taking more and more of it. He finally finds the will to open his eyes and focus his gaze on Erwin. 

He looked like a mess but Levi probably wasn't better.

"Thank you," He finally said that, gulping.

The slight confusion showed up on Erwin's face, he didn't know why Levi was thanking him. But Levi just put his hand around his neck, moves his hips as he came closer to him, their lips connected in a slow kiss in a contrast to Levi's rough moves. 

The trickle of saliva dripped from Levi's chin and Erwin's thumb wiped it, his hand brushed Levi's bangs, then came back to his mouth and his two fingers brushed against his plump lips. He parted his lips, taking Erwin's fingers into it and sucked them trying a different angle to fuck himself on. 

"Don't stop," Erwin whispers with a tremble in his voice, his fingers now wet because of Levi's mouth went under the sweater that still was on him, his skin was burning, probably because he still had it on him. He took a big breath, pulled his sweater down and with the fabric he held Levi's dick and starts to jerk him off with it.

"You dirty bastard," 

Levi muffled but closes his eyes, he probably will never wear that sweater again but his hips push towards Erwin's hand it felt rough and good, at this time Erwin thrust his hips deep into him, probably reaching the deepest spot someone could reach. 

Levi likes to have everything under his control, especially his emotions. He hated to show that he is weak and the fact that someone could use it. 

He stopped his moves, his hips were searching for pleasure in every angle and because of that the sweat was dripping on his back, he was close to reaching his end but he stopped just to look into Erwin's eyes and calm himself a little.

His eyes as always blue, sometimes lighter, sometimes dark blue but now they were shinning really brightly and Levi knew he didn't make a mistake of trusting him. And if he would let him to take the control it would be okay because it's Erwin and it's going be the next thing that Levi will trust him with.

Levi wanted to say something, to hug him because damn he is feeling so emotional now and it's really odd. He was feeling guilty again that he drew him into this situation. But he was always with him, was when Levi first entered the cops, was when everyone crossed him at the beginning or were too intimidated by him. Erwin was always with him and Levi never felt like this to another person. He felt the anger, hate, disgust but never this, what the hell is this?

Levi was staring at him probably for too long, but Erwin didn't mind as they breath mixed and their bodies rested for a while, stuck together. He kissed him, this time slowly as Erwin lay down on his back and Levi leaned down. His lips on his ear whispering.

"I trust you," Levi grabbed his hand and put it on his buttock. "Show me that you trust me too," 

Erwin raised his knees, spread his buttocks with his hands and fucked him just how he wished to. It was okay, the loss of control, devotion to someone else. Every his move was a surprise and a pleasure for him. 

Erwin was close too, his thrusts were hard and sloppy and his breath sounded rough unlike Levi's high pitched whimpering. Erwin loved the fact how Levi's voice was changing, sounding so unlike him. Just by listening to his muffled moans he could come. 

A few more rough thrusts into the angle that made Levi repeat  _Just like that, just like that, just like that,_ his fingers curled as he came on his turtleneck and Erwin's stomach. He lifted himself, leaned his hands on his torso and ride his orgasm, sounding not like him, pleasure took over him. Feeling the orgasm spread across his thighs and stomach, it was so good he wanted to cry. 

Levi bit his lower lip, tightened his thighs when Erwin came inside him. He came so hard that his dick slipped out and the cum burst from his hole. His hands fell to the pillows, his legs straightened and he let the good orgasm take over his body. 

Levi didn't remember when was the last time he had sex but then he did it with Erwin too.

"So gross," 

Levi got out of the bed, his legs shaky and his back hurt but he couldn't stand the stickiness and those sheets. He went to the bathroom, turned the water on and Erwin stood up after hearing his name. 

He finally washed the blood stains. Levi's hands washed the stiff spray from his hair and they had a second round, with Levi pressed into cold, glass doors of the shower and Erwin using his last of energy to give him even better orgasm. 

Levi's legs wrapped around his hips, Erwin's strong arm was against the glass as he kept thrusting into him. Levi opened his clenched eyes, fingers holding onto his neck and leaned over Erwin's face. Their noses touched, hot breaths mixed and Erwin wanted to kiss him but Levi moved just a little.

"Erwin, I.." His hands moved now to the sides of his head as Erwin thrust hard into him, his bangs had fallen down on his face and Levi almost cried from the feeling down in his stomach when he continued. "I love you,"

He said it weakly, half moaning and half crying but Erwin understood it and kissed him after that.


	7. Lost?

The sheets felt way too warm, Levi put them lower, lifting one leg on top of it. He turned around, on his left, nothing,  sigh, he turned back to his back and then on the right side again. He couldn't fall asleep, it was still night, he could tell because the room was all dark and he barely recognized Erwin next to him. 

He was facing his naked back, wide shoulders and a waist, the rest was covered with thin sheets. Levi was too lazy to move his hand but he could feel how soft and warm his skin would be, he could hug himself to his back but he prefers to stare and not disturb him in his sleep. His sleep didn't come, he was wondering if he had fallen asleep at all.

He remembered their shower, holding Erwin in his arms, talking about job and Mike then Erwin moved aside when he fell asleep leaving Levi with his blank mind. Maybe he was staring at the ceiling all the time? He didn't even know how much time had passed since that.

Erwin was so quiet, his shoulders were barely lifting but Levi didn't check if he was breathing, he went to the bathroom instead. Turned on the cold water and let it flow for a while when he leaned his arms against the sink, looking down on nothing in particular. 

He didn't know why the sleep wasn't coming, he was so tired but now only the weird anxious feeling take over him. He took cold water in his hand and washed his face with it, his bangs got wet too and the water dripped on his chest. The bathroom felt different now, the light was weak and he barely could recognize his reflection in the mirror. 

His back hurt and his body was feeling weak, he looked down and closed his eyes, cold water on his face felt good and the memories of today were in his mind. He moved his neck side to side and heard his neck crack, the river took away two bodies, he was wondering if someone would even find them? He wasn't worried about Kenny's body but the strange man made him worry.

His fingers clenched on the sink when his mind came back to what happened later. He still could feel the weight of Erwin's body on him when he pushed him against the cold glass doors and did with him whatever he wanted to. And the words.

The words he said to him, did he ever used them before? He wasn't sure if that's what is called love but Erwin seemed to be pleased after that. 

If love is a deep trust, sacrifice and a will to be close to someone then he guesses it's love.

Shivers ran down his spine as the cold air reached the bathroom. He heard footsteps and thought that Erwin had woken up so he turned the water off, rubbed his face lightly with the towel he wasn't keen on to touch. 

He turned off the lights and came back to the room.

"Erwin?" 

He asked with a voice unlike him, it trembled a little but it still was a whisper. Erwin was sitting on the edge of the bed, the sheets stayed on the bed but his body still wasn't visible. He didn't answer, maybe he was still sleeping? Levi came closer to the bed, sat on his knees near Erwin and when his hand reached to brush his hair Erwin's hands stopped him, grip on his wrist was hard and he couldn't break it. 

Levi looked down at the fingers around his wrist, they were slim and dirty, covered in something like a mud, they didn't look like Erwin's fingers. The grip clenched more and Levi hissed in pain.

"You thought it would be so easy to get rid of me?"

The voice was familiar, he looked up at old face, long brown hair and a wide smile. 

_No, no, no._ It couldn't be real, Levi killed him, he did it with his own hand, he wasn't supposed to be here, not anymore. 

He squeezed his eyes wishing deep in his mind that it would help and when he opens his eyes he will be back by Erwin's side in the bed. He opened his eyes but it did nothing, he just freed his hand from the grip hearing Kenny's laugh, it sounded terrible.

He looked like he just came out of the bag, his hair was wet, the sheet soaked with stinking water, and Levi automatically reached under the mattress where his knife should be, but damn it, it was not his bed. He had so many questions, how the hell he got out from there? Was he following them? 

The most important, he couldn't find the wound on his neck.

"Are you scared, little Levi?" 

He wasn't, he was really surprised but never scared of him. 

"I guess I need to kill you once again," Levi thought and said it out loud not giving him time for the answer when his hands clenched around his neck. He pressed him against the mattress, sitting on his stomach. "I'm going to kill you thousand times if there is a need to," he growled through clenched teeth, the anger grows in his pulsing veins, his hands squeezed his neck so much that he could break it.

Somehow his arms grabbed Levi's hands, he was trying to resist, to stop him, but nothing could stop him now. He moved the weight of his body over his hands and pressed Kenny's body hard into the mattress.

"Die already," 

He growled but then the flash blinded him. The room was bright, lit by daylight and when he looked down, beneath him was Erwin. He almost fell from the bed when it came to him what was happening.

Levi found himself at the very end of the bed in the blink of an eye. Erwin lifted himself up on his elbows, breathing heavily as his eyes shaking from the shock locked at even more scared Levi. 

His neck was red, just as his face, white hands were visible on his neck and it was hard to catch a breath for a while. 

Levi's hands were shaking, they hurt because his grip was really strong but now he was just scared. Why did he attack Erwin? What the fuck actually.

"Levi," Erwin started in a hoarse and weak voice. "What happened?"

And none of them knew the answer. He was sure that after getting rid of the body he will be free from those damn nightmares, but it just got worse, last time he thought it was worst but now.

"I don't know," 

Erwin ignoring the pain around his throat, crumpled sheets between them, clumsily approached Levi on his knees, but he only moved away even more, and when he was on the edge of the bed he stopped Erwin with his hand. 

Erwin stopped looking at Levi who was looking now at the ground. 

"You were talking in your sleep, saying that you will kill... me?"

"Not you idiot." 

Silence, Levi could feel Erwin's gaze on him demanding the answer or just explains about this situation. He finally looked up at Erwin's shitty expression and he had nothing on his justification.

"It was him, Kenny, he is still here."

"He's not-"

"In my mind, in my sleep, he didn't leave." 

Erwin finally understood, this time his gaze dropped on his bare legs. Levi felt just like that, pointless. It was a shallow thinking of his, thinking that killing Kenny would make everything alright just like that. But he didn't know how to end this, it was getting more dangerous. 

Should he go to a psychiatrist or what?

"Are you alright?"

He asked, letting Erwin finally get closer to him. His gaze dropped to his red neck and a flush on his chest. 

"I'm fine," his voice came back to normal. "I'm more worried about you," 

Levi still couldn't look up at his face, he saw the white marks on his red neck. The awareness that he could hurt him made Levi want to move away from him, keep the distance again, he wanted to put a wall or something between them so that Erwin would be safe. It was a really bad idea to involve Erwin in this situation.

Erwin grabbed Levi's chin with his thumb and lifted his head up, forcing him to look into his eyes. 

"Go away and put on something finally,"

Levi's eyes locked up with Erwin's, his hands rested on his legs and was trying hard not to look away. He took a deep breath finally forcing himself to said those words.

"I'm sorry,"

"For what?"

"For that," His fingers with big carefulness touched Erwin's neck. Something big sat down on his chest giving him a problem with every breath he was taking. The apologies weren't even half of enough but he couldn't think of anything better right now. "I think it's dangerous for you to be close to me," He added his voice quieter now as Erwin's face got closer to his, feeling his breath on his face.

"And I think I can't do nothing about that," Erwin's voice even quieter than Levi's, he leaned in, closed his eyes and captured his lips. The kiss was slow, Levi reluctantly moved his lips, making the kiss longer. Erwin's both hands now held his cheeks, index finger brushing his brow as his eyes were wandering around the uneasy look on Levi's face.

His lips were firmly closed, eyes glitter, and a wrinkle comes on his pale forehead. "I don't want this to happen again," He gulped. "But I can't control this. I don't know how." He looked down at his hands that were resting again on his thighs, he moved them to Erwin's and caressed his skin with gentle moves of his fingers. "And if you'll be around" His gaze slowly came back to Erwin's eyes, stopping for a moment at his chest and then at his lips. "I'm scared I will kill you," 

Their eyes meet, exchanged long glances, reading their own reactions. 

This time Levi was the one who connected their lips in a deep kiss, his fingers dug into his thighs and he demanded more, slow gasp left Erwin's lips as Levi was moving fast, swallowing his tongue into his mouth and sucked it with his upper lip. 

"I'm going to be with you no matter what,"  

Erwin whispered as he lay down on Levi, whose legs were on the bed and his back touched the ground, the position was uncomfortable but he didn't resist another hot kiss. 

 

-

 

Levi lost his guilt that set up in his chest after the making out session in the most fucking uncomfortable position. 

But not for too long, they arrived at Levi's home after leaving the motel and driving for almost two hours. The mood changed fast and Levi felt the guilt coming back every time he looked at Erwin feeling his neck and veins under his fingers. Why wasn't Erwin mad at him? He should leave him in the motel after all the things he did. He was mad at himself for letting this happened.

Erwin left with Levi the car and helped him with the bag, it wasn't heavy but he was faster and Levi went to his doors with empty hands.

He let Erwin inside but he stayed in the hall saying nothing just looking at Levi and around the living room. Levi took the bag, put it on the bed and started unpacking it. 

"So about what happened this morning," 

Erwin started and Levi's eyes stopped on the couch, he squeezed the rope he was just pulling out straining his hearing. Erwin took a deep breath thinking about his another word.

"Are you sure you will be alright?" he asked.

"Yeah, I guess,"

Levi nodded shortly but Erwin still didn't move from his place. He was waiting for something or something was worrying him, Levi could tell but he didn't say anything knowing that he is not in a hurry to leave. 

Erwin wasn't sure if Levi was being honest with him, he was worried after what happened in the morning and knowing Levi well he won't say anything now even when there is a lot that is bothering him. He know pressing on him would change nothing but his will to help will always be stronger.

He wished that sometime Levi would open up more, just like he did some days earlier about his past. Erwin thought they are in a right way and Levi will keep opening up.

"I was thinking," Erwin started. "Maybe we should live together?"

Levi stopped again everything he was doing, he dropped the empty bad and finally turned around to Erwin, after he stood with his back to him all this time.

"You were thinking? Since when?"

The wrinkle appeared between Levi's brows, he wasn't looking too happy after Erwin's words. His eyes were moving fast, reading Levi's expression.

"For a while,"

"For a while?"

His eyebrows went up, this look didn't predict anything good.

"If you're doing this only because of today's morning then you can get out." Levi's voice was harsh just as his gaze. He didn't need pity nor care. It pissed him off because he couldn't control this and Erwin wasn't probably aware of what he could do. It was getting out of control and Levi didn't know how to help himself so how Erwin would know?

Erwin's expression was stoic, he didn't let know Levi if it hurt him or how he felt about his answer. He decided to let him cool down a bit, so he grabbed the handle and left with a quiet click of the doors. 

He went to his car but didn't leave, his hands rested on the wheel and his forehead on his arm. Erwin sighed thinking about what he should do in this situation.

He cared about Levi and he was ready to do anything to keep him happy and satisfied but it was Levi and it was really hard to do. He rarely opened up with his feelings, and when he finally did it was too late to help. 

But still, Erwin has to give him some time, he is stubborn and he will decide himself what is the best way for him.

"Bastard,"

Levi muttered under his breath when he left.

 

-

 

After all, it felt good to be living alone again. Levi spent some good hours on cleaning the basement, then the kitchen and lastly the living room. His back ached when he rose from the ground when his phone vibrated. 

It was a message from Hanji. Levi wiped his forehead that was moist with sweat with a handkerchief, he scrubbed the floor so badly that he sweated but it was satisfying feeling.

_What the fuck she wants._  He said to himself unlocking his phone. 

_"They are gonna write Mike out of the hospital, gonna come?"_  

He should go, shouldn't he? It's already sure that Erwin will be there too, even if he does not want to see him for now, he has to go there, after all, Mike was in that condition because of him.

He answered her if he should go right now and she wrote back fast simply yes. So he wore some warm clothes because this time he won't get a free drive. He used the bus and was in the hospital 25 minutes later. 

Levi took off his scarf as the number of people made the place immediately warm, he found Hanji talking with the doctor, he exchanged looks with her then went to the room next to the women. 

Mike was sitting on the bed, in his usual clothes but the bandage was visible at the collar. The bag next to him, ready to go home but Levi know he won't be able to come back to work, not yet. 

"Hello."

Levi said less willingly now, it was every time like that when he saw Mike still in that bad condition. 

"Hey, Levi. Why are you here?" 

Levi sat next to him, their thighs touched and he kept his gaze on their legs. 

"I heard that you are going home, just came to see how are you feeling."

"Since when you care so much about others?"

Mike asked, a note of amusement was heard in his voice but Levi didn't laugh. He wasn't really a person to joke with but now Mike's words sat down at the end of his head and stayed there, he will probably think about them later in the bed but now he put them aside as Mike was trying to comfort him saying that he was joking. 

Hanji came back after a while, it wasn't a surprise for her seeing Levi with a face like he was in a bad mood neither not a surprise for Levi to see her with her eyes (and glasses) shinning in excitement. She sat at the other side of Mike, on the pillows. They had a small chat waiting for the papers from the doctor that will legally allow him to leave the hospital. 

"Erwin won't come?"

Levi was really curious why Erwin wasn't here. He would never miss a chance like this to help Mike, he was usually the first one whenever one of them would need help. 

"He said he was coming, I don't know why he still isn't here."

Levi just nodded looking down at his shoes again. Maybe he was too harsh for him and he decided to not come after all? Was he too harsh? He told him to get out after Erwin asked if they could live together, well. 

Levi sighed, he probably reacted too harshly and he was kinda regretting it now. He wishes Erwin could show up with his stupid face and he won't be ignoring him like he always do after their quarrel (that usually Levi causes). 

The ignoring mostly ends naturally, Erwin feels that Levi is no more angry and they will act like nothing happened because there is no need to speak about it. But now Levi can't even show him that he is no longer pissed off when he is not here.

And he didn't show up, they got the papers, took Mike under his armpits, Levi on one side, Hanji on another and took a cab with them. 

Levi hissed at Hanji when she crushed him with her body as the three of them sat in the back seats. He took his phone, checked the notifications once again and when there was nothing he opens up a conversation with Erwin, the last message was from yesterday. 

He thrust his elbow into Hanji's stomach when he felt that she's leaning in and reading his messages. 

"Find something more interesting to look at, four eyes," 

He muttered as his fingers tapped the screen sending short  _Where you at_ to Erwin. 

They arrived at Mike's place. Hanji was helping him with unpacking and made them all a cup of tea when Levi said he will take the cleaning part. Mike was saying that they don't have to do all those things but they both know that he was still weak and it was really nothing. 

"Levi, thank you for the cleaning," 

Mike smiled weakly as he lay down on the couch and Hanji put blanket around him tightly and Levi sat at the end of the couch, his knees to his chest and his phone again in his hands.

"Nothing?"

Hanji asked and Levi didn't even look up from his screen but only nodded sadly. Was he ignoring him now? He never acted like this when Levi was texting him, but if he decided to now, Levi won't play with him in this stupid game.

He left Mike's house after another hour, he left him with Hanji and took a bus which has a stop near Erwin's house. It was freaking cold outside, his scarf wasn't enough and his nose was all red. 

_He better let me in or I will kick his ass._

He thought and knocked three times on the dark wood, the knocks were hard and impatient. He wanted to shout at him for not answering his messages and ignoring him like a child, then he wanted a big cup of tea and eventually, he would let him cuddle him and kiss. 

He was getting more impatient as he didn't hear any steps nor the doors didn't unlock. He knocked again, looked at the window and it was dark inside. 

"Damn, that bastard, where is he"

His voice shakes a little, didn't know if from the cold or the worry. 


	8. Nights without you

The disappointment and worry overwhelmed Levi when he came back home still without any message or a sign of life from Erwin. It wasn't unlike him to disappear like that and it wasn't like Levi to worry so much. 

He took a hot shower and went to his bed, finally, his bed. 

He left the lamp on, phone in his hands and the sheets covered his legs. The pile of pillows behind his back felt nice as he answered on Hanji's text about the supply of bandages for Mike. Then checked his messages again two times and nothing from Erwin. 

Levi sighed, put the phone aside and bring his bare knees to his chest, his chin rested on his knee and his mind couldn't rest for a while. 

Somehow it felt different, he didn't want to think about this that much, trying to convince himself that he will meet him tomorrow at work, so to keep his mind away from the worries he turned off the lamp, closed his eyes and lay in a strange position with his legs still to his chest. 

His mind couldn't stay blank. 

The words  _"I love you"_  popped up in his mind and he felt a light squeeze in his chest on that thought. He turned on his back, his eyes open now and he took a deep breath.

At first, he wasn't sure if it's really this feeling, he and Erwin had always a different relationship, full of questions without answers and full of actions without explanation.

They would kiss, they would share a bed and they would argue but Levi never thought he could feel just like he is feeling now. 

Feeling the need to know where Erwin is, to be with him, to feel his warmth, scent and weight because it really sucks and he can't sleep of his lack of presence. 

Levi guessed it's love and it sucks. 

It sucks because since he remembers he was counting on himself, didn't worry about others and didn't feel the need to. He was, or still is, a person who don't get too many friends because of his character, that's what most of people were talking about him, and Erwin was one of the few who got close to him despite this barrier.  

And he appreciates it, he always did know that Erwin is there for him and the short thought that Erwin could disappear felt like panic.

After knowing Erwin for that amount of time Levi thought nothing would surprise him in the way he feels for him but this weird desire to be with him was getting stronger and it irritated him. 

He pressed the quilt to his chest, put it between his legs and tightened them, then turned on his right side, his cheek pressing against the cool pillow and he fell asleep squeezing the quilt. 

 

-

 

He could ignore him how much he wanted but he couldn't skip the work. He and Levi took already two days off.

Levi came on time, everyone was already here and the first thing he did was go to Erwin's office. He held the handle harshly and pulled it with even bigger force, he could pull the handle out but the door did not even budge. 

"Commander Shadis," His hands leaned against the table, his eyes narrowed and face expressionless with a wrinkle between his brows.

"Huh?" Keith looked up from the computer at Levi. "How official, what's your problem, Levi?" He asked being pleasant by Levi's rarely polite words, but his posture still needed to be correct.

"Where the hell is Erwin?"

He looked surprised by the question, took off his glasses and massaged the bridge of his nose to get rid of the mark from glasses. "Don't you know?"

"Know what?" He answered really fast.

"Erwin, he had a car accident, yesterday."

Levi gulped, feeling how he lacks saliva and when he speaks his voice sounds different. "Car accident? Is he in the hospital?"

They both looked when the door opened and Hanji came out, she probably heard their conversation judging by the look on her face but she said nothing as Keith answered.

"Yes, but he is in the central hospital because of his serious condition," 

Levi couldn't hear the rest of his words, hand rubbed his face feeling the expression on his face is stiff and he couldn't move his lips clenched and the corners curved down. Again hospital, again his close friend, he couldn't help but listen when Keith told about the call at 5 pm, the time when he went to the hospital to Hanji and Mike, a different one. 

"I have to go there,"

"Levi, you're at work," Keith's voice stopped him. "We already lost two great cops, Mike is recovering and Erwin at the hospital, you have to stay."

Levi stood still for a while feeling Keith and Hanji's eyes on himself. 

"I just," Levi stopped when his voice trembled. "I just need to see him, just to make sure he is in good hands,"

"I'm sure he is," 

Levi had to stay but he couldn't focus on the work, his hands were shaking and he spent the most of the day with Hanji since Mike and Erwin were absent they just had each other, barely speaking to each other. Their shift ended at 4 pm and they took a bus, full of people they didn't even care now. Levi didn't mind being pushed by the old lady, his hand just hold the chair tighter and his eyes still blank.

"Excuse me, can you tell us in which room Erwin Smith is?" Hanji asked the first nurse that they saw, she looked at them then at the clipboard she was holding, it took her a while to agree. She started to walk with them, too slowly.

They stopped at some doors after walking for a while, Hanji didn't even know in which part of the hospital they are.

"The patient is in a serious condition, doctor recommends to not stay for too long and let him rest. Are you his family?"

Levi slightly shook his head.

"I see," the woman warned them once again, telling the rules and then left. Levi held the handle and hesitated, Keith and the woman were repeating the words  _serious condition_  over and over again and he was scared just to get inside,  scared that he will not recognize him.

It was dark already, the room was weakly lit by some low lights. Erwin was laying on the bed, the bandage wrapped around his head leaving his hair messy. Bruises on his forehead, cheek and eye. Levi's eyes were scanning his face slowly, gaze dropped to his lips, parted and he could hear his breathing. 

He looked down and something wasn't right, his right arm was fully covered in bandages and it... 

"His arm,"

Levi whispered way too quiet but Hanji caught it. Their eyes stopped at the spot where Erwin's right arm ended and where it shouldn't end. He gulped and checked his left arm because he didn't trust his eyes anymore.

The anxious feeling sat down in Levi's stomach, he came closer to the bed, his eyes find even more bruises and scratch as he reached his hand but took it away fast when Erwin's furrowed his eyebrows with a grimace, followed with a deep gasp. 

"How the hell that could happen," Hanji asked, probably to herself but she said it out loud. Her eyes were shaking, as her hand, braver then Levi, reached to Erwin's arm. She touched it without any force, fingers lightly brushed against the bandage and the arm ended before the elbow, she felt the shivers down on her spine. 

Levi sat down, he couldn't believe what he was seeing now. How could that happen in only a few hours? He was seeing Erwin just yesterday and now he was lying here, looking like not him making Levi's heartache. 

"Erwin," 

Levi whispered, feeling that if he would say it louder his voice would break, he couldn't manage to say anything else, he was in shock and his eyes were locked on Erwin's face, the bandage soaked in blood, the bruises ranging from yellow to blue at his face, neck and probably under his clothes too. 

He didn't notice that Erwin actually opened his eyes. They had a more greyish hue and were bloodshot, it was hard to notice because his blinks were longer and he couldn't manage to keep his eyes open for too long.

"Levi, you're here,"

He sounded really weak, opened his eyes after the words and scanned Levi's face seeing the sorrow.  Levi wanted to ask how's he feeling but already knew the answer, he wanted to know how it happened but knew he won't be able to tell everything, so he says nothing, his hand moved to Erwin's face and despite bruises and scratches he touched his cheek lightly. 

Erwin felt a light squeeze on his left hand, he looked away from Levi's glazed eyes and saw Hanji clinging to his hand, his thumb caressed her small hand and his eyes came back to Levi. He moved his head a little and it made him remember how big the pain was, the pain took over his head, which began to pulse painfully. He closed his eyes tight, the wrinkles showed up around his lips, eyes and between his brows. 

"We should let him rest," Levi said, seeing that this time Erwin doesn't open his eyes, his face still didn't relax and he was too weak to just have any conversation with them. He stood up and leaned over his ear.

"Do you have keys to your home?" He asked quietly and in return, Erwin answered without opening his eyes, small and weak "In jacket." Levi nodded, found his jacket on the hanger and took the keys from his pocket. 

He and Hanji both left the hospital, it hurt to see him in this condition, he needed rest and even if both of them were worried they decided to let him rest. 

The bus stop was empty at this hours. Levi was squeezing the keys in his hands in pocket, the steam came out from his mouth since it was this cold and he was freezing waiting for the damn bus. Hanji didn't give any sign that she is cold, she was staying still, her cheeks and nose red and here gaze hung on her shoes.

"You're creeping me out," Levi said, he could swear she didn't blink for like 2 minutes straight. 

"He lost his arm in the accident," She finally manages to say something, after standing still and acting like she was frozen because of the weather. The words sad down in Levi's stomach, he actually tried to not think of it but after her words, the picture of Erwin's right arm appeared in front of his eyes.

"Yeah, it doesn't look good," He nodded and tucked his chin to the scarf. The conversation ended here as they both couldn't really talk about it, not now. The bus came finally and Hanji left after three stops, Levi left on another, he took off the keys from Erwin and figure out which key was for the front door. With cold hands he finally manages to get inside, he turned on the light and sighed seeing a mess. 

He wasn't in a mood to clean his house, which he for sure will do later, but now he closed the doors on every lock to feel safe in not his own house, it still was weird to be here without Erwin but he tried his best to feel domesticated.He off his jacket leaving it at the hanger, next to Erwin's coat, went to his bedroom and closed the door. His hands and face were freezing so he opened the closet, take the first sweater he saw and then went to his big bed. 

It felt much softer and warmer. The mattress was soft and Levi lay down in the middle of it, he hugged the sweater to chest, dipped his nose in it and then covered himself with a quilt. He shut his eyes, feeling the heat begin to flow into his frozen limbs, and the smell of Erwin finally reached his nostrils and his entire body. 

He squeezed it so much just when he thought about him, he couldn't do anything but to wait for him to get better and be back. 

Levi gulped feeling that he is close to crying, he didn't want to cry, always wanted to be the strong one when it was that shitty. He let it slide now as Erwin didn't see it now, he put the sweater under his chin and let a few tears run down his cheek, he wiped them fast with his sleeve and took a big breath. 

The atmosphere in the room was so calm it made Levi worries go away, the small thoughts that Erwin will recover soon were flying around Levi's clear mind now as he was slowly falling asleep with the sweater in his arms. 


	9. So what next?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like a different person every chapter

Levi spends the most of his time in Erwin's house. He likes how it makes him feel better whenever he comes back from the hospital.

Whether they talked or Levi just sat next to him later he would come back to Erwin's house and make sure that Erwin wouldn't have to worry about anything when he'll come back home.

Levi would snuck around his small flat, he would water his plants, would clean up his closet looking at the hangers full of white and blue shirts, clean the dust from the frames on the commode with pictures of his father and him when he was younger, he even changed his sheets.

After the daily shift at work, he came to the hospital at night, feeling the tiredness getting over him but he needed to see Erwin, just know if he is getting any better. Spending everyday money on the bus and freezing every day at the bus stop was worth seeing Erwin with his skin finally getting warmer colours.

Erwin would wake up almost everytime whenever Levi came, they exchanged gazes, both seeing that none of them is feeling too well. Levi wasn't always good with words, seeing Erwin lying weak made him say nothing, he would just sit with him because he knows Erwin feels worse than him anyway. 

Another visit, the day was even colder, it was getting dark really early and he came straight after work. He got a small injury in the work, a few deep cuts on his hand but he hid it under long sleeves because he didn't want to talk about himself. 

It was night so Levi sat next to Erwin, looked close to the healing bruise on his eye and his brow then kissed him and told him,  _love you_ , so quiet hoping that even Erwin won't hear it.  Actually, it happened only once.

That night he accidentally left his coat in his armchair that now was hanging in his closet. He even brought his favourite tea that was now standing next to Erwin's favourite coffee in the kitchen. He made one cup of this for himself. 

On Monday Levi admitted him that he fell asleep in his bed (a few times) and Erwin just smiled fondly and weak, mentioning his old words about living together but Levi would just tell him to rest and recover. 

Erwin was recovering, bruises were getting more yellow now, scratches turned into scabs but the high fevers were coming back when his arm didn't want to heal well. 

One day, Erwin's fever was so high that the doctor was afraid of his health. Levi was really scared that he could lose him. On the next day, he got better and Levi was truly delighted. It was really a relief, feeling like the stones have left his chest and his stomach when on the next day Erwin, with his hair greasy and bags under his eyes welcomed him with his own voice telling him that he would come back home soon.

Levi didn't really know when he became such a sentimental person himself. 

Erwin was feeling better, at least that what he told him and the doctor. When Levi came to him on Friday after work he was able to get up and have a normal conversation with him, he was also going out. His arm was still healing, the wound was big and sometimes Erwin would move his arm forgetting that it was crushed.

The nurse was watching as Erwin with Levi's help got his sweater on, the right sleeve was hanging empty next to his waist. 

"I should bring a shaver with me," Levi mumbled as his fingers rolled the right sleeve so it won't be so irritating. Erwin sat again, after spending so many days in the bed, not enable to stand up from the weakness, he had still a problem with maintaining balance. He had dizziness but he kept telling Levi that he can make it to the house.

Levi straightened and his fingers run through the hair on Erwin's cheek, they were getting longer. But he stopped remembering that there was still a nurse with them.

 

-

 

The air was cold but still refreshing. They were walking next to each other heading to Erwin's house.

"I can't drive my car now," Erwin said and Levi marked it as the 14th thing he mentioned he couldn't do now because of his lack of arm giving him no response on his grumble.

They got inside, not feeling some of their limbs because of the cold and Levi went to the kitchen to make them something warm to drink, it felt like he was having Erwin in his own house. But he ignored the feeling hearing Erwin's satisfaction because of how the house was clean.

Their coats were hung on the same hanger, the same with their scarfs. Levi undressed himself first then helped Erwin took off his coat but the scarf Erwin took off by himself.

He got them teas, warming his hands on the cup. Erwin sat down on the couch, the walk was tiring for his weakened organism and Levi said nothing, just staring at him seeing the worry on his face, for sure there was a lot to think now. Not everyone lost their arm on daily basis. 

"I think, you still look the same," He said with a sip of his tea. 

Erwin smiled under his nose, the smile got wider after a while, he was pleased by Levi's as always good words. 

"I'm glad you think so," the smile still visible on his face and in his voice but then he looked down and his smile faded away as his mind caught something, looking like a next worry that got into his mind. Levi put his cup on the table and sit next to him, their knees touched and eyes met. 

Levi eyes locked on Erwin's arm and he caught it because he wanted to distract him away from it with his words. "Do you think I could still work as a cop?" 

"Perhaps," Levi started. "You should focus first on recovering, then worry about this," 

Erwin with a sigh turned to Levi so he could see him better, he moved closer to him as if on call. "Maybe, you're right," Erwin said, his voice got quieter as they got closer. He was reading his expression as Levi's hand landed on his cheek. His fingers move to his chin.

"Your beard is scratchy" 

He looked down at his lips, they were less red than always, dry but he kissed them slowly making Erwin shut up about his shaving today. Erwin gave back the kiss sluggishly, his nose pressed against Levi's cheek as he depended on the kiss feeling how impatient Levi is.

The couch cracked when Levi leaned back and Erwin got between his opened legs. His thighs wrapped around Erwin's waist, hands on his neck pulling him down and locked their lips again in a more needy kiss. Since it was hard for Erwin to stay on his one hand, Levi leaned on his elbow and stretched his neck to make the kiss easier. 

Levi didn't want to show how much he missed and needed the feeling of his body close to him but his body betrayed him when it shook in a pleasure and the soft groan left his mouth. The weight of Erwin on him made him feel smaller, wanting to hide under his wide shoulders as their lips kept tasting each other at a new angle, adding moans, licks and bites between them. 

"I was scared," Erwin said in a kiss and Levi moved his head back just a little to listen. "that you will not want me anymore." Probably it supposed to sound sad, but Erwin didn't give Levi time to react when he kissed him so deeply that Levi had to regain his breath after that. 

"It's just a hand," Levi said and laid his back on the couch leaving Erwin above him. "It sucks that you've lost it but it changes nothing to me." 

And the answer may be enough for Erwin when he wanted to lean closer on Levi but he lost his balance on his one hand, felt on him and his right arm also hit the couch. The pain has spread from his arm up to his back and chest. He closed his eyes and groaned.

"You're still not lighter, you know?" He said in his hair as Erwin's body was pressed hard on him, it started to feel uncomfortable so he helped him with rising up. The pain was visible on his face, his brows furrowed and the grimace stayed on his lips. His left hand held his right shoulder, squeezing it lightly as if it could make the pain go away.

"Do you want me to help you with changing the dressing?" 

Erwin just nodded and Levi told him to wait. 

He prepared a bath for him, the water was too hot so to cool it down he prepared the dressing on the shelf and the shaver and then called Erwin. 

His mood was still down, the grin on his face turned into thin-lipped displeasure, but seeing the tub with water and Levi with his sleeves rolled up his eyes shined. 

"Undress," Levi said.

His back rested against the closet not taking his eyes from Erwin who was standing next to the closet doors. With his left hand, he tried to unbutton his shirt, it took too much time so Levi helped him with a sigh. The shirt fell down on the cold tiles.

They were only a few hours at home, so nobody said anything about how Erwin couldn't handle doing things with just one arm. It's a matter of wont, Levi thought, and until he gets used to it, he can be his right arm. 

Erwin said quiet thank you, going into the tub as Levi folded his clothes and put them on the washer. 

"Take your time," Levi said and left the bathroom leaving the doors half open. 

For some time Erwin was just sitting in the tub, feeling like all the will has left his body even to just move. He didn't touch the soap nor change the position. His back started to hurt because he was resting on his knees. This feeling was coming to him everytime he was alone, he looked at the right side and sees not even the half of his arm. 

Just by looking at this he can feel the sorrow that overwhelms him, the thousands of questions on his mind, asking himself what he should do next when he will learn how to button his shirt with one hand and to sleep only on his left side. Should he come back to work? How he's supposed to do his work, he will be so much weaker and worse at what he was the best. 

Erwin truly loved his job, and now the thought that he won't be even able to hold the gun properly made him doubt himself.

He would be totally crazy if not Levi, whenever he is close Erwin forgot about his arm and knows that even without it he is enough for him. 

He looked down at his fingers, they were wrinkled from the water. He didn't know how long he was just sitting but Levi came after knocking on the open doors. 

His eyes move around Erwin's face, hair, seeing that they aren't wet, his arms and knees. He still says nothing, getting closer to the tub. Levi sat on his one thigh on the edge of the tub and wet the tips of his fingers, the water wasn't warm anymore. 

"What are you doing," Erwin asked and Levi just sighed, he grabbed the shaver then Erwin's face.

"Helping you shave, I guess." Erwin looked up seeing the focus painted on his face, his movements were fluid and he got rid of the beard from his face without any cut. Erwin was just sitting being pampered by Levi when he washed his back, hair, arm, chest and even legs when Erwin sticks them out from the tub. 

He left the tube with his skin wrinkled but clean, his hair wet, dripping down on his chest and his pyjama pants. Levi unpacked the bandage and sat next to him on the edge of the tub. He looked closer at his arm, not sure to go for it.

"It's okay if you don't want to touch it,"

But Levi just didn't want to hurt him, he slowly undid the bandage. It fell down to their feet and the goosebumps pricked his body. The wound was in a terrible state, it wasn't bleeding but it still looked bad, he didn't know how it looked two weeks ago but he was hoping it got better. 

With a little help of Erwin, he tied a bandage around his arm, hooked it also around his shoulder then went to throw the old one away.

Erwin followed him quietly to the kitchen, the opened window made him tremble. "Thank you, Levi," 

He turned around, his back pressed against the sink as Erwin stood in front of him, higher than ever, he got closer to him until their chest touched. His hand on Levi's cheek now, he caressed it making him close his eyes and he lightly touched his lips with his.

"I will take a bath too," 

His words cut off the kiss, moving his head away from him but Erwin stayed in the same place, staying in his way. 

"Go to bed," Levi said but Erwin didn't move, a small, small smile was creeping to his mouth.

"Only if you will stay,"

And Levi stayed. He took a bath, washing away the sweat, worry and stress from himself, going to Erwin's bedroom in his sweater that was hanging in the bathroom. Erwin wasn't sleeping, probably thinking again but he shifted when Levi entered the bedroom. 

He sat at the edge of the bed and was putting on his socks, feeling Erwin's gaze on his back.

"I can tell that you like it here," Erwin started. "When will you admit that you want to live with me?" 

The socks already on his feet, the sweater was reaching to his bare thighs, the night was chilly but sleeping in Erwin's three sizes bigger pants wouldn't be comfortable. He got under the sheets, feeling already warm inside because of Erwin.

"Firstly admit that you won't be able to wipe your ass off without me now," 

He settled next to Erwin, his head drowned in a soft pillow and the warm and safe feeling overwhelmed his body. It was a while since he wished for a night like this and when he finally got it he felt like he doesn't need anything else right now.

"I am not daring to ask you to do that," 

Levi felt Erwin's feet at his calf, then at his own feet and it settled between them. He turned to his side, his fingers clenched around Erwin's left arm and he hugged it to the sweater he was wearing. He felt how Erwin's fingers blindfold caressed some part of his hand.

"I could do that,"

Erwin laughed softly and shortly but Levi smiled small under his nose on that sound. He kept getting closer to him until Erwin's leg was between his own and his hands were wrapped around his waist. The innocent kisses on Levi's top of the head turned into more intense as he put his head aside and Erwin was now kissing his ear and skin behind it.

"Stop doing this," Levi mumbled to his armpit as Erwin hot breath and wet lips were making him squeeze his thighs even more around his leg.

"Stop what," He asked stupidly as his fingers dived under Levi's sweater that was actually his, his skin was as always soft and warm under his fingertips as his hand moved up and down. "You want me to stop touching you?" In respond Levi just sighed softly, closing his eyes, even more, if that was even possible. He moved his hips on Erwin's strong leg and the friction was enough to make him gasp softly.

Erwin lost his right arm that was always good when it comes to stroking Levi dick but because of that, this night he let Levi fuck his mouth.

His knees were shaking, resting against Erwin's shoulder, trying so hard to not touch his right arm when he came just like this in this position. He clumsily got off from his chest then took the tissues and wiped cum that stayed on Erwin's face and neck. 

His whole face was red, lips were swollen and red and in return, Levi was cuddling him really tight for the whole night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry this ch sucks ikr


	10. Old man

A few weeks later.

"Will there ever be a day when we will not have to stay after hours?" 

Levi said out loud, hanging his coat then brushed the snow off his hair. His hands were freezing because he didn't have the gloves so he was rubbing them to feel warmer. Erwin took off his coat, scarf and a glove, his cheeks were just a little red but he always looks as if he has never been cold. Unlike Erwin, Levi had a runny nose, cheeks were all red, as well were his hands and he could not feel his thighs.

"I fucking hate Nile, he can't even do his work properly, he is such a moron," Levi snorted under his nose taking off his boots. It was dark everywhere in the house, Erwin turned on the light in the hall, noticing how the frost had caught Levi who was adding more curses as he slammed the closet where he hid his shoes.

"You're so talkative at this hour, Levi"

Erwin said with a soft smile on his face seeing Levi's brows furrowed and red cheeks. They headed to the bedroom and the first thing Erwin did was sit on the bed, his knees hurt but the small smile didn't leave his face. He felt calm finally being at their four corners. The day at work was tiring and annoying for Levi especially but he couldn't think about it just by looking at him, he still did not get used to this view, having Levi in his bedroom and house every day. 

"It pisses me off when someone can't do their job right,"

Levi came closer to the bed, his shoulders relaxed when he felt Erwin's fingers wrapping around his hand and pulling him into his lap. He got on him clumsily, he sat on his thighs, close to his chest, fitting perfectly. The wrinkles between his brows didn't leave and his eyes were dark and tired.

"You did a great job today, so stop thinking about things that are making you angry before your sleep," Erwin's hand massaged Levi's shoulder then the back of his neck, the anger was slowly leaving his face then his muscles and he sighed. 

"I hate them," He mumbled before twisting head slightly to the right and connecting his lips with those of Erwin. He was really warm, his breath hot and the hand that kept wandering around Levi's neck and cheek was making it warm.

He wanted to mutter something again but Erwin's lips stopped him. He pulled his hand from his back to his ass and squeezed it hard while his tongue entered Levi's parted lips, he kissed him hot and wet, their tongues whirled together, saliva mixed together, making Levi swallow everything that Erwin's mouth gave him. 

He moaned softly into his opened mouth, the corners of his lips full of saliva and the redness on his cheeks was no more because of the cold. 

"I need to take a shower first," 

Levi pushed Erwin on his back, pinned his hand to the mattress and kissed him once again leaving him out of breath. 

"Don't whack off yourself there," 

"I don't have to," 

With a gasp, Levi left Erwin on the bed and went to the bathroom. The shower took him about 7 minutes, he put on new pants and a shirt and was back when he found Erwin snoring on the bed. 

It's not that he didn't expect it but getting the blanket out from under Erwin's body was really difficult. With a sigh, he unbuttoned his shirt because for sure it was sweaty after wearing it all day, he took it off without worry that he would wake him up because Erwin had a really sound sleep. 

Levi took off his trouser too then was trying to get the blanket and quilt from under his body. Erwin mumbled something under his nose when Levi pushed him to the side and got under the sheets. He sighed once again, feeling the tiredness going through his bones, it would hurt in the morning. He curled up next to Erwin's back and snuggled his nose into his shoulder even when he didn't take a shower.

Sharing a bed was one of Levi's favourite thing since he moved to Erwin's house. 

Ever since Erwin's accident he had no nightmare so he finally decided to move in. 

Sharing bed wasn't really that bad. Levi got used to sleeping on only one side (but still sometimes Erwin would end up at the edge of the bed and Levi in the middle). He never really complained about being alone since Erwin was always with him in the work and after work, but sharing so many things together now made them close at totally new level. 

Sharing a closet wasn't really that bad at all, Erwin didn't have many clothes nor Levi, so they fit perfectly in one white closet in Erwin, now their, bedroom. Levi would occasionally grab some of Erwin's clothes but he couldn't do the same because Levi's clothes were just too small for him.

Sharing a bathroom wasn't really so great, Levi showers fast, he likes to wash himself and left unlike Erwin who could spend an hour under running water, then another hour shaving and doing his hair. It was awfully long so Levi always went first to the bathroom.

They got closer to each other, it wasn't just a job between them now. They learned new things about themselves every day.

Erwin learned how much Levi didn't like to kiss in the morning, to drink cold tea or to take a shower together. But he knew how much Levi liked the idea of ending the shift and coming back home together, he never really told him that but he can see it how they complement each other, making Erwin's house liver than ever.

 

-

 

Erwin was really happy waking up every morning and seeing Levi next to him, his bad bed hair, his grumpy face when he had to wake up this early and just the feel of his warm body, the small things made his morning better.  

When they have a free day they would spend some extra hours on sleeping, cuddling with Levi's complains about their morning breaths when Erwin tried to kiss him or about his snoring in the night. 

Today's morning was one of those in which Levi got up with his left leg, harshly took off the quilt from them and woke up Erwin with that, he went to the bathroom and slammed the door. Erwin did not manage to get out of bed well and Levi already left the bathroom after the shower, his hair still a little wet and a grimace on his face.

"Did you sleep badly?" Erwin asked, realizing only after a moment that Levi had undressed him last night when he fell asleep. A small smile settled on his lips as Levi pulls out his sweater from the wardrobe.

"If it were not for your snoring, I would definitely sleep better," Levi murmured, but he did not sound offended so Erwin simply took it as a usual thing between them, he did not have to worry about too much.

Levi was very easy to annoy and he gets upset by simple things, he could be mad even when Erwin would leave a cup in the sink but it never lasted long.

"Are you mad that I fell asleep yesterday?" 

Erwin asked sitting on the edge of the bed watching the muscles on Levi's back now covered in a shirt that he wore under the sweater. 

"Why would I be? You're so old that it no longer surprises me,"

"How mean, I'm not old," 

"You are," Levi said.

"No, I'm not,"

 

-

 

Levi wasn't mad anymore, they had a breakfast together then left to the work. It was Thursday and Erwin was the one who he suggested going to the bar. They weren't there for a long time due to health problems, first shot Mike, then Erwin's accident and everyone forgot about how they were meeting in the same place every Thursday. Mike was the first who agreed, Hanji was easy to convince and Levi simply went because Erwin went. 

"Tsh, they still didn't close this place?" 

Levi said to himself as they entered the bar, nothing really changed in those few weeks. There were a few old people who didn't even look at them probably were too drunk.

"I hope they will never close this place, we will be able to come here even in ten years,"

The excitement flashed in Hanji's glasses as she took a sit around a big table on which were napkins, beer pads and a menu printed on a piece of paper full of fast foods and alcohol. She took it in her hands, knowing exactly what she will take but she started to read it again as the others took seats next to her. 

"I bet you could spend here your whole life," 

Levi murmured taking a seat across from hear, with the napkin he wiped the table but it still was dirty, his brows furrowed and he moved his chair a little farther away from the table.

Levi always thought the place was made for them, Erwin, Mike and Hanji never really cared about how the place looked like, and for this, it looked like shit, but they felt good here, in their own company. They came here just for a beer and Levi was trying his best to ignore how low budget and low everything this place was. 

The old the waite,r that actually is the owner, came to their table to take their order. He fixed his glasses on his nose and his gaze hung on Erwin, Levi noticed it and watched as the old man's eyes widened.

"What happened to your arm, young man?"

His voice made Erwin look up at him, glance at his rolled-up shirt sleeve curled at the end by Levi's hands in the morning. A polite smile appeared on his lips because of the curiosity of the old man whom he did not hide and the words 'young man'.

"It's nothing,"

Erwin cut off because he did not feel the need to talk about a car accident that happened almost every day from the unintentionality of other drivers. The subject was cut, the atmosphere was still good when the old man wrote down four beers, hamburgers and fries also ordered four times, despite the fact that Levi whispered that he won't touch it, fortunately, the man did not hear so well.

"At the work, I didn't have time to ask, how your arm Erwin?"

Mike asked, sipping his beer, his voice muffled with a hint of care that Erwin always saw in Mike even when his expression was the same.

"It's recovering well, I'm slowly getting used to most things but without Levi's help it would not be that easy,"

In the beginning, it was really hard and Erwin was very often embarrassed when he had to ask Levi to help him even with the socks. However, Levi was so naturally with it that this feeling left him quickly and Erwin did not feel that he was a burden for him.

"It looks like Levi really has feelings,"

Hanji joked and they all accepted it as a joke, maybe except Levi, whose eyebrows joined together again and his eyes darkened.

"Be careful not to choke on this fries, I don't think Erwin nor Mike could save you right now,"

It was always like this, and it will remain so even if Erwin loses his other hand and Mike gets shot in the other arm, they will always be the same, they will be together in this ugly place drinking from the same glasses.

The third beer came slowly, Erwin and Levi have free tomorrow so they were not in a hurry. Maybe Levi wanted to come home, have a cup of tea and change the dressing on Erwin's arm, but he did not complain.

"He died in this bathroom or something?"

Hanji asked, her hand on Erwin's empty chair, who had gone to the toilet a few minutes ago.

"He's getting old, I'm sure he's already getting bladder trouble,"

Levi added when Erwin finally came back, he did not look like he had bladder problems.

"Constipation?"

Mike asked.

Levi's eyebrows were down as he saw Erwin leaning close to his chair, he was tired after work, his knees ached, but he fell to his right knee and pulled something out from behind his back.

"Erwin!!"

Hanji shouted knowing what was coming while Levi was still a bit confused to ask what the hell he was doing when he saw the ring in the box.

"Levi,"

Erwin began, his voice was shaky and it was hard to say anything, he took a deep breath, his eyes rested on Levi's face, through which passed a million emotions at once. Confusion, surprise, and now all he saw was really small blush next to his nose.

"Would you marry me?"

The words finally left his lips, a wide smile took half of his face as Levi moved away from the table and finally stood up. The expression on his face spoke everything.

Without a word, he took the ring, it was ordinary, silver, Erwin knew that Levi did not like jewellery, he never wore any, so he decided to go with something ordinary and symbolic that would suit him. He put it on a finger and then looked at Erwin, his eyes glistening, but his lips were calm.

"You're proposing to me in such a dirty place,"

His hand rested on Erwin's shoulder, touched his cheek with his fingers and stroked it, and the softest smile that Erwin had ever seen rested on his face.

"Yes, I will,"

Levi finally said it, though he wanted to hold Erwin still in suspense. The blond stood up with the help of Levi, the bones in his knee popped and Levi's hands wrapped around his neck.

"So old,"

He stood on his fingers and kissed his smile, the kiss did not last long because Hanji's clapping made him want to knock her down. He moved away from Erwin and gave her a stern look, but she didn't stop clapping. She took off her glasses and wiped away the tear that had gathered at the corner of her eye.

"It was so romantic, Erwin,"

Erwin was pleased with himself, he looked at Mike, who shared his smile with him and then at Levi, whose momentary anger at Hanji passed and the features of his face softened.

 

-

 

"I can't believe that you have proposed to me in this place,"

Levi complained again, he did this by drinking every beer, on the way home and even now when Erwin sat on the sofa feeling that he had drunk a little too much.

"I thought it would be a really good place,"

He said regardless of Levi's constant complaining. His head rested on the couch watching as Levi pulled his sweater and then unbutton two buttons from his creased shirt.

"All day you deny you're not old, will you prove it to me finally?"

Erwin sighed, opening his legs wide as Levi approached him. His gaze made the blood run down into his lower parts. By proposing to him he knew that life with Levi would be difficult, especially now if he would fell asleep by accident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's the ENDDD,  
> um firstly i would like to thank everyone who read it and enjoyed it :0 especially cuz it was my first ever ff and + im not an english speaker so it was really difficult to make it work but here it is  
> thank u sooo much i hope u enjoyed it as much as i do  
> i love eruri and see yall in new upcoming fics :)  
> (it ended weird ikr its a weird fanfiction) erwin is old  
> 


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